march Video (MV)

March 27th, or maybe the 28th, 2023.
Looking lowly again on the fact that I was still breathing.
I was standing in the bathroom staring in the mirror with tears flowing down my face.
It was the purest shade of red from every single sob I tried to hold in.
How can I let anyone know where I am in my own mind?

Up until now I've only dug knives into my arms and my legs.
I knew it wouldn't do any real damage, but that was never really my goal.
My goal in these scenarios was just to cause pain.
The pain was to make me feel like I deserved it.

March 27th wasn't a typical need for an arm or in the leg, and pain wouldn't be enough to be a severe enough punishment.
I could literally see my heart beating through my chest.
This wasn't a difficult feat to accomplish as I hadn't eaten in days.
And an idea came along to never see that heart beat another beat again.

There I was sitting on my bed with my box cutter firmly grasped in my right hand.
I took the box cutter and I slashed right where I had saw my heartbeat.
I laid back and nothing flashed before me.
Nothing but regret.
Regret didn't motive me to clean the blood up any faster.

I only survived that attempt because I missed my major artery, by less than an inch.
I know how lucky I am to have another chance, and I know some people don't have that.
If you're going through something, please call somebody.
Don't do what I did.
I wish in that moment that somebody had told me otherwise.
1-800-273-8255