Don McCollom - Dirty Birdy Turdy Lyrics

I got a dirty birdie turdie on my windshield
And it smears when I have my wipers on
Don't they know that their poopies meant for cornfields
My fine-feathered friends have done me wrong

Birds are okay if their turds went away
But they just stay and stay and they never decay
You can scrub all day get on your knees and pray
But they're still on your car

Well I got me a bucket full of soapy water
And I scrubbed myself into a tizzy fit
Don't you know that I'd sell my only daughter
To rid myself of all this birdie shit.

Birds that don't care they'll poop anywhere
They'll poop in your hair even on Linda Blair
It comes from the air when they fly on by
But it's worse in your eye

Well I got me a shotgun and a hammer
And I climbed the highest tree that I could find
Then I waited there from morning until dinner
And not a gosh dern birdie flew by

Birds they are smart and they don't have a heart
They'll dive from the sky and I don't know why
They'll target your head and laugh it is said
But it's worse in you mouth

Well I got me some gum and a breath mint
And I went inside my house to cry and hide
Don't you know that he bounced off my window
The little bastard broke his neck and died

I buried him deep and I sang me a hymn
The guilt filled my heart just thinking of him
Well I dug from the grave and held him up high
And he crapped in my eye

I got a dirty birdie turdie on my windshield
And it smears when I have my wipers on
Don't they know that their poopies meant for cornfields
My fine-feathered friends have done me wrong

Birds are okay if their turds went away
But they just stay and stay and they never decay
You can scrub all day get on your knees and pray
But they're still on your car