High Fidelity Musical Soundtrack Album Lyrics
High Fidelity Musical Soundtrack Lyrics
- The Last Real Record Store on Earth by Will Chase
- Desert Island Top 5 Break-Ups by Will Chase
- Its No Problem by Christian Anderson
- She Goes by Will Chase
- Ians Here by Jeb Brown
- Number 5 with a Bullet by Jenn Colella
- Ready to Settle by Emily Swallow
- Nine Percent Chance by Will Chase
- I Slept with Someone (Who Slept with Lyle Lovett) by Will Chase
- I Slept with Someone (Who Handled Kurt Cobain's Intervention) by Jenn Colella
- I Slept with Someone (Reprise) by Will Chase
- Cryin' in the Rain by Will Chase
- Conflict Resolution by Will Chase
- Goodbye and Good Luck by Jon Patrick Walker
- It's No Problem (Reprise) by Christian Anderson
- Laura Laura by Will Chase
- Turn the World Off (And Turn You On) by Jay Klaitz
- Too Tired by Jenn Colella
The Last Real Record Store on Earth
by Will Chase
Rob:
I've got my daily crossword, and there's coffee in the pot.
I've got cable and a girlfriend who is pissed off, but she's hot.
I've got records that it's taken me a lifetime to amass,
And I play them on a system that will kick your system's ass!
And if my life's not perfect,
If I'm anxious, bored, or sad,
Well, today may be less shitty--
With whole chunks of not so bad!
And I wouldn't change a thing about it;
No, I wouldn't want to change a thing.
In a world that's unreliable,
These are rocks on which to cling.
Nothing's great and nothing's new--
But "nothing" has its worth.
Meet the real go-getter
With the thrift store sweater
And the last real record store on earth!
I get by, relying on the
Freaks who can't survive
Without their Japanese import o
Or their Zappa 45.
They're really kinda sad
Hell, I'd be making fun of them,
If it weren't for the fact
I'm really one of them.
Yes, if you're into vinyl,
We've got everything essential.
I'm sitting on a business that has
Zero growth potential!
Pale Young Men:
And I wouldn't change a thing about it,
A-K rack, L-Z.
It's dark and dingy, never crowded;
All a record store should be.
Rob:
"For the serious collector
Who knows a record's worth"
Need a vintage Decca?
Step into my mecca.
It's the last real record store on earth!
Dick: (singing along to music on his headphones)
Ever since I lost control...
Rob: (to the audience)
That's Dick. He works for me.
Dick:
It's a Hiroshima of the soul.
Rob:
He's listened to every record in this store...
Dick:
Ever since we've been apart...
Rob:
...twice.
Dick:
It's a Hiroshima of my heart.
Pale Young Men:
Hiroshima of my heart...
Dick:
I want to find a love,
A love to call my own.
But I'm too weird and shy.
I guess I'll die alone.
Rob:
Barry, you're late.
Barry:
Yeah, sorry, I stopped to get you this box of.....seven donuts.
Rob: (to the audience re: Barry and Dick)
What can I do?
They came as temps.
But then they started showing up here every day!
It's been four years.
They just won't leave.
They never even ask me for a raise in pay.
And as I gaze across this filthy space,
I see insanity in every face.
Some days I think I should just torch the place!
But then I think where would I go?
Find guys who prize the things I know?
Barry:
It smells like ass--
All:
But even so...
I wouldn't change a thing about it!
Cause most other stores are crap!
Buying music shouldn't be like
Buying khakis at the Gap!
Pale Young Men:
Don't fall into the Gap!
Rob, Dick & Barry:
We're the experts here on everything
That's anything of worth!
All:
If you hate mass market
Bring your ass and park it
At the last real record store on earth!
Barry & Dick: (a la David Byrne/Devo/robot dance)
This ain't no Tower!
Pale Young Men:
This ain't no Tower!
Barry & DickL
This ain't no Coconuts!
Pale Young Men:
This ain't no Coconuts!
Barry: And this ain't no soulless sanitized corporate Third Reich f*cking WalMart!
Rob:
Alright, Barry!
Barry:
They're sucking the blood out of the little guys!
Rob:
No shit.
My rent check bounced.
Barry:
I live at home.
Dick:
Stayed up til four watching Mary Tyler Moore.
Rob:
My girl holds out.
Barry:
My girl inflates.
Dick:
I think I had sex once but I'm not sure.
All:
The things I hope for seem so far away.
Dick:
So far away.
All: I'm not too brilliant on the day-to-day.
Barry:
What's the day today?
All:
That's why I come Monday through Saturday--
And I wouldn't change a thing about it,
My whole world's inside this store.
Where would I go,
What would I do without it?
This is what I'm living for.
For the serious collector
Who knows a record's worth!
Rob:
If you hate mass market
Bring your ass and park it
All:
It's the best, that's final!
Find the finest vinyl
At the last real record store!
Rob: (repeating in a round)
We've got blues and soul and R&B.
We've got blues and soul and R&B.
Barry: (round)
Ska, punk and new wave...
Ska, punk and new wave...
Dick: (round)
Hip hop, rock, and pop.
Hip hop, rock, and pop.
Rob, Dick & Barry:
And the only thing that we dno't have is
Customers who shop!
Rob:
I always dreamed someday
I'd have this wonderful career.
I went where the music took me
And oh God, it took me here.
And they'll write it on my tombstone
Right beside my date-of-birth:
Part-time stoner
Went from clerk to owner
Of the last real record store on earth!
Barry, Dick & All:
I wouldn't change a thing about it
Gonna get up on the roof and shout it!
But will it hold us all? I doubt it!
Rob:
And I--
Barry:
I--
Dick:
I--
All:
I wouldn't change a thing!
I wouldn't change a thing!
I wouldn't change a thing!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Desert Island Top 5 Break-Ups
by Will Chase
[ Featuring Top 5 Girls Ensemble ]
Rob:
Oh God how did it come to this?
Oh Laura, Laura what did I miss?
Did you really just walk out the door?
Can it be that you don't love me anymore?
Bet you think I"m gona panic
Get all sad and weird and manic
But if you want to see me suffer more
Then you should have got to me before
Oh Laura, Laura... I pity you.
Cause I've had a life of heartache you can never live up to!
My Desert Island All-Time Top 5 Breakups--in chronologicals order: Number one-Allison Ashworth! Two-Penny Hardwick!
Three-Charlie Nicholson! Four-Sarah Kendrew! And number five-Jackie Allen!
Do you notice anything in particular about the list, Laura?
Exes:
Yeah, do you?
Rob:
These are the ones that tore my heart out
These are the ones that ate me alive
You might squeeze into the top ten, Laura
Exes:
But you're nowhere near the top five!
Rob:
These are the girls who got in early
Scarred me for life, I have no doubt:
All:
But you're too late now
You don't rate that
Kind of hurt, that kind of clout.
Rob:
Oh Laura, Laura, you'll be missed.
But sweet sweet Laura...you
Don't even make the list!
Exes:
This is nothing personal, please
Don't kick yourself or wonder why
Rob:
The simple fact is that we're too old Laura
To really make each other cry.
All:
Those days are gone and I'm thankful
We can skip the drama and the pain
Here, take my car, there's a tankful
I won't lose myself or go insane!
Rob:
Oh Laura, Laura, has your love died?
Cause if you leave me Laura
I...can smoke inside!
Cause losing you is like having no cash,
It's like having a cold in the middle of summer.
Losing you is a sold-out movie:
No big deal, just kind of a bummer.
All:
It's a pizza dream,
An ice cream headache
That you know will soon be gone.
Five minutes of pain,
Then you move on...
You move on!
Alison:
Cause you know, you're not really offering--
Alison & Sarah:
Him anything new here.
Alison, Sarah & Penny:
If you wanna force your way
Alison, Sarah, Penny & Jackie:
Onto the list, Laura,
Exes: (add Charlie)
You'll have to do a lot better than this!
All:
So bye bye Laura
Nice try Laura
You came far Laura,
Close but no cigar!
Rob:
You can't shame me like Alison!
Betray me like Penny!
Or disrupt my life like Jackie!
Or crush me like Charlie!
And I'm stronger than when Sarah left!
Gloomy, sure, but not bereft!
All:
And though I see a trend here
I am nowhere near the end here!
You do not represent
My last best change
At a meaningful relationship
And let me give you one last tip!
Laura:
Hey, I forgot my toiletry bag.
Rob:
Laura, listen, we're just being stupid. Let's just order in tonight and sort this out.
Laura:
...Goodbye, Rob. Take care of yourself.
Rob:
My Desert Island All-Time
Top 5 Breakups.
My five-star humiliations,
Soul quaking shake-ups.
Oh Laura, Laura, you'll be missed.
But sweet sweet Laura, you,
All:
You, you, you, you!
Rob:
...don't even make the list.
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Its No Problem
by Christian Anderson
Rob:
Look, Dick, Laura and I broke up. So if you ever see Barry again maybe you can tell him that.
Dick:
You want ME to tell Barry about it?
Rob:
Yeah, would you?
Dick:
Sure, of course.
It's no problem.
No problem Rob--you're on.
I'll tell him when I see him next,
"Rob says to tell you--Laura's gone."
My schedule's pretty open
So I've got some time today.
Plus I've got some other stuff
To tell him anyway.
So I'll tell him when I tell him all the other stuff
Or--I could even call.
So it's no problem, no problem at all.
Rob:
All right, Dick--
Dick:
It's no problem.
I'll see him later at a gig.
I'll prob'ly start with your news first
Cause my news isn't big:
Just to tell him
That this woman's gonna sing.
So I'll bring it up before,
A good news/bad news kind of thing.
I mean bad news/good news
Cause he thinks the singer's great.
Not that Laura isn't too--no!
What I meant to say--no wait!
Barry really likes you both
He told me so last fall,
So it's no problem, it's no problem,
It's no problem, Rob
A-a-a-a-at--
Rob:
GREAT, Dick. Glad you got it covered.
Dick:
It's no problem, Rob. At all.
Look, Dick, Laura and I broke up. So if you ever see Barry again maybe you can tell him that.
Dick:
You want ME to tell Barry about it?
Rob:
Yeah, would you?
Dick:
Sure, of course.
It's no problem.
No problem Rob--you're on.
I'll tell him when I see him next,
"Rob says to tell you--Laura's gone."
My schedule's pretty open
So I've got some time today.
Plus I've got some other stuff
To tell him anyway.
So I'll tell him when I tell him all the other stuff
Or--I could even call.
So it's no problem, no problem at all.
Rob:
All right, Dick--
Dick:
It's no problem.
I'll see him later at a gig.
I'll prob'ly start with your news first
Cause my news isn't big:
Just to tell him
That this woman's gonna sing.
So I'll bring it up before,
A good news/bad news kind of thing.
I mean bad news/good news
Cause he thinks the singer's great.
Not that Laura isn't too--no!
What I meant to say--no wait!
Barry really likes you both
He told me so last fall,
So it's no problem, it's no problem,
It's no problem, Rob
A-a-a-a-at--
Rob:
GREAT, Dick. Glad you got it covered.
Dick:
It's no problem, Rob. At all.
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
She Goes
by Will Chase
[ Featuring Rachel Stern ]
No offense, but you were lucky to get her.
I like you both the same--
Well, her a bit better.
Your macho act can't hide the fact you adore her.
Now she's gone like all the others before her.
15-20--that's a few!
This shit is old--and so are you!
I relied on your success to direct me.
Did you ever once think how this would affect me?
I'm a wreck and what the heck will you do now?
Go to Scores and tip a stripper or two now?
I don't know how it works today
But for you it only works one way!
You meet someone, you move in together, she goes!
You meet someone, you move in together, she goes!
The girls may change in face and name,
But one thing always stays the same.
As sure as a baby cries and the river flows,
She goes!
Liz: (with backup boys)
Rob I'm talking to you as a friend now
I could say that it's not you,
But why pretend now?
You know you shouldn't feel
The slightest compunction
If you suffer from some
Down-below-there dysfunction.
Rob:
It's been really hard on me,
So have a little sympathy!
Liz: (with backup boys)
You meet someone, you move in together, she goes!
Repeat this son: you move in together, she goes!
It may start out butterflies and bows
But once the blush is off the rose
And the girl fin'lly figures out
That you'll never propose
She goes!
I've stood by with all the others
Smiled away like Sally Struthers
Patient and supportive.
Now you finally got a winnder.
Did you even cook her dinner?
The answer's 'No' I'm guessin'!
And I'm full on PMS'in!
Backup Boys:
She's full on PMS'in!
Liz:(with backup boys)
You meet someone, you move in together, she goes!
Repeat this hon: you move in together, she goes!
I can't fault you for consistency,
Heaven knows!
Now please don't take this as mean-hearted,
But are you on crack or just retarded?
Cause you meet someone--
You move in together!
A sweet someone,
And light as a feather!
Mistreat someone and
Change like the weather!
And she goes!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Ians Here
by Jeb Brown
[ Featuring Jenn Colella ]
Ian:
Smell the incense in the air
The cabbage and mulled wine
Throw away all worldly cares
Tonight is yours and mine
Though I haven't known you long
In the present paradigm
In our past lives we've connected
You and I throughout all time.
Maybe you were Desdemona
And I your Black Marauder
Maybe you were Helen Keller
And I was the water!
Ian's here
To offer a safe haven
Where you can be yourself
Unshackled and unshaven.
You will find no judgment here
And no talk of wrong or right
Just a beacon in the harbor
A gentle guiding light.
So close your eyes
Is that land you're seein'?
Yes it is--and on that land is Ian.
(over a ringing cell phone)
Ian's here
Ian's here
Have no fear
Ian's--shit!
Laura: (re: phone)
I am so sorry. Oh, it's Rob again. I should maybe--
Ian:
Oh, Laura. You've pulled the pin, now be brave enough to toss the grenade.
Laura:
The grenade?
Ian:
Sometimes a relationship needs to be blown up so that we can see what's left over.
Laura:
Huh. Where did you learn al this?
Ian:
My methods are partly European,
Partly Easterbn,
But mostly just pure Ian!
Ian & Laura:
Ian's here.
Ian:
Mi nee som de dom ni nee ha ree dom...
Laura:
Ma ma say ma ma sah ma ma kuh sa!
Ian:
Mi nee som de dmo ni nee ha ree dom
Mee nee meet me in the kitchen wit da sari on!
Mi nee som de dom mi nee ha ree dom
Mini hairy dom, mini dom dee dom dom...
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Number 5 with a Bullet
by Jenn Colella
[ Featuring Top 5 Girls Ensemble ]
[LAURA]
I was feeling bad for you
'Cause I left you with a broken heart
But now you've really pissed me off
And you know that that's not smart
Did you think you were gonna get off scot-free?
Don't you know there's no getting over me?
Mmm
You think this break-up won't affect you
If you just refuse to let it?
And there's no need to sweat it?
Well, I've come to claim my spot
And I'm not leaving 'til I get it!
I will be
Number five with a bullet
You'll never get rid of me
Sleep and your peace of mind
They're a memory, yeah
Number five with a bullet
Climbing up the charts
Number five with a bullet
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
To your heart
[EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
To your heart
To your heart
You met and it was wonderful
No drama and no pain
She was smart and sexy sweet and hot-
[LAURA]
—And not insane
You were the handsome DJ
I worked for Legal Aid
We really clicked together
[EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Oh yeah, you really had it made
[LAURA]
But you always had one foot out the door
Didn't you?
Just in case there might be something more
[EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
And now she's gone
Moved up, moved on
Left you in the dust
Left you filled with longing
And a thick and aching lust
[LAURA]
Well, you can block the truth out for a while
If you will yourself
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
But when you think of me with another guy (Ooh)
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Don't you wanna kill yourself?
[EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Bum bum bum
[LAURA]
I will be
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Number five with a bullet
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Like a tape that's on rewind (Ooh)
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Playing in your head
Messin' with your mind
[LAURA]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will be
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Number five with a bullet
A sharp and throbbing pain
[LAURA]
Lodged there like a bullet
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
In your brain
[EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
In your brain
In your brain
In your brain
[LAURA]
You're on a cycle that never ceases
You get dumped and fall to pieces
You were hoping for a reversal
But that pain was just a dress rehearsal
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Number five with a bullet
See your memory's a blur
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
And that list don't mean nothing (Ooh)
Without me (Without her), yeah
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Number five
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
With a bullet (With a bullet)
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Climbing up the chart
[LAURA]
Number five with a bullet
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS, EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
To your heart
Number five with a bullet
To your heart
Number five with a bullet
To your heart
Number five with a bullet
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
To your heart!
[Bollywood dance break with IAN and the EX-GIRLFRIENDS.]
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Number five with a bullet
[IAN]
Can you feel my hungry kiss?
[LAURA]
I've made love a thousand times
But nothing can touch this
[IAN]
Touch this!
[LAURA]
Woah!
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Number five with a bullet
[EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
And she's climbing up the chart
[ROB, spoken]
Stop!
Show me no more!
Congratulations, Laura, you made it!
[LAURA & EX-GIRLFRIENDS]
Number five with a bullet
And that bullet's heading
Straight to your heart!
[LAURA]
Yeah!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Ready to Settle
by Emily Swallow
[ Featuring Ann Warren ]
Marie:
Grabbed the moon
Full of hope
Fell to earth
Without rope
Heart as heavy as a stone
Been betrayed
Been abused
Spirit flayed
And ego bruised
Ev'rybody dies alone.
I always knew before he flew
He was too good for me
Now I'm here with you
How more different could you be?
You're just like me
Alone and sad
And in this light
You don't look so bad.
I've had the best
Now I need a rest
Just someone who'll do
And I'm ready to settle for you.
This feel like a cancer grows
Feel the rot between my toes.
Marie & Backup Singer:
Why take another breath?
For now I see
That all life brings
Is a string of disappointing things.
And in the end--cold death.
We're both aware this love we share
Can't even fill a room
And so we talk too loud
To drown out the desperate gloom!
Marie:
My heart is dead
Backup Singer:
Heart is dead
Marie:
A hollow bone
Backup Singer:
Hollow bone
Marie:
I'm filled with dread
Both:
I'll end up alone!
Marie:
I'll move in my stuff
Act like it's enough
I'm past thirty-two
Backup Singer:
Past thirty-two
Marie:
And I'm ready
Both:
To settle for you.
Marie:
See the happy people laughing
They're all deaf and blind!
Backup Singer:
Blind and deaf.
Marie:
Why should we go on searching
For something we won't find?
Backup Singer:
There's no hope.
Marie:
Why should we pretend
We're happy too?
Backup Singer:
You know we're not.
Both:
I'd rather just stay home
And sulk with you!
You're just like me
Alone and sad
And in the dark
You don't look so bad
Marie:
It's nice to know
That you'll never go
Cause if not me, then who?
Backup Singer:
If not me then who?
Marie:
And I'm ready
Both:
To settle
Marie:
For you
Both:
Ready to settle....
Ready to settle....
Ready to settle....
For you.
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Nine Percent Chance
by Will Chase
[ROB]
Why am I feeling so good?
Why am I feeling so high?
Like I could reach for the sky
And nothing's gonna bring me down?
'Cause you paved the way for romance
When you kept him out of your pants
I'm a new man today and I say
Hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
I've got a nine percent chance of your love
A nine percent chance of your love
Nine percent of the time
It's me you're thinking of
My foot's in the door
And if you're keeping score
I only need ninety-one more
I'm back on my game now
And fit as a fiddle
'Cause you can't deny that
You want me a little
I'm back in the driver's seat
Or at least in the car
I'm back on the road
To where you are
I've got a nine percent chance of your love
A nine percent chance of your love
And I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of when
My chances go up to ten
[BARRY]
I'm gonna lay it all on the line
Get out from under this bushel and shine
I've got music to make
And finally it will be heard
I've been hiding myself, that was wrong
The world's done without me for far too long
Hey, Coldplay—get out of my way
Hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
I've got a one percent chance of success
A one percent chance, maybe less
I will be known as his royal rock highness
Facing the odds at a hundred to one
But that's still better than none
[ROB & BARRY]
Sometimes all you need is
A sliver of hope and
You may just succeed or
At least the door's open
What once seemed impossible
Is there in your reach
You're riding the wave
Or at least on the beach
[ROB]
I could win back her heart
[BARRY]
I could make the chicks dance
I've got a one percent—
[ROB]
A nine percent chance
[DICK]
I'm gonna find out her last name
And find out if she feels the same
I'll ask her out and get to see what's in her heart
There's not much hope I can win it
But the game has begun, and look who's in it
Who knows? She might go
[DICK, spoken]
Yeah, maybe if I was the last man on Earth
[DICK]
There's a point, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
One percent chance she'll say yes
Around one in a billion, I guess
I'm approaching infinity and happiness
We could go on a date
It could be any day
I'm only light years away
I'm gonna ask Anna out
[BARRY]
I'm gonna rock the world
[ROB]
She hasn't slept with him yet
That's what she—
[ROB, DICK & BARRY]
Said
[ENSEMBLE]
She said
[GUY WITH MOHAWK]
Maybe there is a God
[FUTON GUY]
Maybe I've got a prayer
[HIPSTER]
Maybe, oh maybe Elvis—
[GUY WITH MOHAWK, FUTON GUY & HIPSTER]
Isn't dead!
[ROB, DICK & BARRY]
Sometimes all you need is
A sliver of hope and
You may just succeed or
At least the door's open
What once seemed impossible
Is there in your reach
You're riding the wave
Or at least on the beach
[ROB]
If I've got a chance
[BARRY]
And I've got a chance
[DICK]
Then I've got a chance
[ROB, DICK & BARRY, ENSEMBLE, ROB, DICK, BARRY & ENSEMBLE]
Hey (Hey)
Hey (Hey)
Hey (Hey), hey (Hey), hey
[ROB]
I've got a nine percent chance of your love
[ENSEMBLE]
Nine percent chance of her love
[ROB]
A nine percent chance of your love
[ENSEMBLE]
Nine percent chance of her love
[ROB]
Nine percent of the time it's me—
[ROB & ENSEMBLE]
You're thinking of
[ROB]
You say that it's hopeless
But I say that's bull
My cup runneth over
Well, it's—
[ROB & ENSEMBLE]
Nine percent full!
[ROB]
And that's a fine percent chance
[ENSEMBLE]
Fine percent chance
[ROB]
A nine percent chance
[ENSEMBLE]
Nine percent chance
[ROB]
Of your love!
[ENSEMBLE]
Love
[ROB & ENSEMBLE]
Of your love
Of your love
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
I Slept with Someone (Who Slept with Lyle Lovett)
by Will Chase
Rob:
How did the deed go down?
How did it come to be?
Why should this great bounty fall
To a regular Joe like me?
I talked about my broken heart
I cried like some pathetic slob
It was low and it was desperate
But it sure as hell did the job!
Cause I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett!
Yes I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett!
I can't believe how much my life has improved!
I'm sleeping with a rock star
Well--a rock star once removed.
Yes I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett
I love it that my lover slept with Lyle!
There we were
Just a'chattin' bout our exes
Now I'm in bed
With a girl who bed
The coolest guy in Texas!
Maybe Lyle and me will be buddies someday!
And he can send some more
Sloppy seconds my way! Hey!
I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett!
And if I had a boss--
I'd say take this job and shove it!
I was kind of nervous
Cause it's been a while
But if you flipped her over
I'll bet you'd see a smile!
Yes, I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett!
Who slept with Julia Roberts
Who starred with Campbell Scott
Who did a film with Kyra Sedgwick
Who slept with Kevin Bacon! Hey!
I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett
I love it that my lover is a gal all guys would covet
Yes I love it that my lover slept with Ly--le!
How did the deed go down?
How did it come to be?
Why should this great bounty fall
To a regular Joe like me?
I talked about my broken heart
I cried like some pathetic slob
It was low and it was desperate
But it sure as hell did the job!
Cause I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett!
Yes I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett!
I can't believe how much my life has improved!
I'm sleeping with a rock star
Well--a rock star once removed.
Yes I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett
I love it that my lover slept with Lyle!
There we were
Just a'chattin' bout our exes
Now I'm in bed
With a girl who bed
The coolest guy in Texas!
Maybe Lyle and me will be buddies someday!
And he can send some more
Sloppy seconds my way! Hey!
I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett!
And if I had a boss--
I'd say take this job and shove it!
I was kind of nervous
Cause it's been a while
But if you flipped her over
I'll bet you'd see a smile!
Yes, I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett!
Who slept with Julia Roberts
Who starred with Campbell Scott
Who did a film with Kyra Sedgwick
Who slept with Kevin Bacon! Hey!
I slept with someone
Who slept with Lyle Lovett
I love it that my lover is a gal all guys would covet
Yes I love it that my lover slept with Ly--le!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
I Slept with Someone (Who Handled Kurt Cobain's Intervention)
by Jenn Colella
Laura:
I slept with someone who handled
Kurt Cobain's intervention.
He taught me all these tantric moves
And he's really good at frenchin'!
He's vibrant and creative
And makes salads that have flowers.
He slathers me in oils and massages me for hours...
And hours...and hours.
He's caring and supportive,
And gives me his full attention.
I slept with someone
Who handled a dead rock star's intervention.
Finally, a grown-up
Who always pays his bills.
He's got insurance, self-assurance, marketable skills.
He's not like all the others,
Only one thing on the brain
But if I had my druthers
...I'd have slept with Kurt Cobain.
I slept with someone who handled
Kurt Cobain's intervention.
A fact which all too often,
He's all too glad to mention.
And what is there to brag about?
I wouldn't go and shout it
Cause it really didn't go so well
When you thjink about it
But I won't think about it
Or why my jaw keeps clenchin'
Or the fact that when he's mounting me
I feel this mountain tension!
I slept with someone who handled
Kurt Cobain's intervention.
I slept with someone who handled
Kurt Cobain's intervention.
He taught me all these tantric moves
And he's really good at frenchin'!
He's vibrant and creative
And makes salads that have flowers.
He slathers me in oils and massages me for hours...
And hours...and hours.
He's caring and supportive,
And gives me his full attention.
I slept with someone
Who handled a dead rock star's intervention.
Finally, a grown-up
Who always pays his bills.
He's got insurance, self-assurance, marketable skills.
He's not like all the others,
Only one thing on the brain
But if I had my druthers
...I'd have slept with Kurt Cobain.
I slept with someone who handled
Kurt Cobain's intervention.
A fact which all too often,
He's all too glad to mention.
And what is there to brag about?
I wouldn't go and shout it
Cause it really didn't go so well
When you thjink about it
But I won't think about it
Or why my jaw keeps clenchin'
Or the fact that when he's mounting me
I feel this mountain tension!
I slept with someone who handled
Kurt Cobain's intervention.
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
I Slept with Someone (Reprise)
by Will Chase
[ Featuring Jenn Colella ]
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Rob:
I slept with someone
Laura:
I slept with someone
Rob:
Who slept with Lyle Lovett
Laura:
Who handled Kurt Cobain's intervention
Rob:
I slept with someone
Laura:
I slept with someone
Rob:
Who any guy would covet
Laura:
As he's all too glad to mention
Rob:
I'll never make her liner notes
Laura:
I hate the things he cooks
Both:
I slept with someone
Who was perfect on the books.
Rob:
We got along so brilliantly
Then had nothing to say
Laura:
Who needs sex for more than
Twenty minutes in a day?
Both:
Just who is this person that I slept with anyway?
Laura:
Oh God, I'm so confused.
Rob:
Oh God, I feel so used!
Surely there's a better
Laura:
Safer
Both:
Warmer place to be.
I slept with someone...
Yippee.
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Cryin' in the Rain
by Will Chase
[ Featuring Top 5 Girls Ensemble ]
Rob:
Laura!
Answer the phone.
Answer the phone!
For f*ck's sake won't you
Answer the f*cking phone!
Laura:
Hello?
Rob:
Oh, hi. It's me. Rob.
Laura:
Rob, where are you?
Rob:
Laura, listen, I just want to say--
Laura:
Actually, I can't really talk right now--
Rob:
(interrupting)
No--no--wait--no!
I think you're running!
You're running scared, little girl!
From the sharp point each
Relationship hits
So you feel the need to blow it to bits
But soon, you're gonna wake and see
You can run, little child,
But you'll never be free!
No you'll never be free...no no no!
Have your fun, little child
Don't you worry 'bout me!
Oh God!
Don't leave me
Rob and exes:
Cryin' in the rain!
I'm always cryin' in the rain!
God I hate cryin' in the rain!
Rob:
I see you through the window
Looking so drawn and pale
Oh how can you stand to be manhandled
By that Steven Segal ponytail?
Rob and exes:
You needed to experiment
And dickhead fit the bill
But he doesn't love you
And he'll never understand you
Like I will, like I will!
Rob:
You can run, little child
But you'll never be free!
No you'll never be free
No no no!
Have your fun, little child--
Don't you worry 'bout me!
Don't you worry 'bout me
No, no, no!
Hello? Hello?
Laura!
Rob with exes:
Don't leave me cryin' in the rain!
I'm always cryin' in the rain!
God I hate cryin' in the rain!
Rob:
Lau-raaaa!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Conflict Resolution
by Will Chase
[ Featuring Christian Anderson, Jay A. Johnson, Pale Young Men Ensemble, High Fidelity Original Broadway Cast ]
[IAN, spoken]
Look, conflict resolution is my job
And I'd like to believe
That if Laura decided she didn't want to see me anymore
I'd respect her decision
You know what I'm saying, Robbo?
[ROB, spoken]
Yeah
[IAN, spoken]
So, shall we leave it at that, then?
[ROB]
Ah!
[DICK, spoken]
Don't do it, Rob!
[ROB]
Leave town! Leave the country!
Little bitch, you're gonna feel my rage
You're gonna look back at ten phone calls a night
As a motherf*cking golden age
You'll be home to the maggots and the fleas
I'm gonna bring you to your—
Sha-na-na-na-na-na
Knees! Knees!
Sha-na-na-na-na-na knees!
*Rewind sound*
[IAN, spoken]
So, shall we leave it at that, then?
[ROB, DICK & BARRY]
Here's our conflict resolution
Time for the final solution
[DICK]
Gonna punish your doughy white body
With a taste of my Hai Karate!
[BARRY]
You've breathed your last breath, sucker!
[ROB]
Resolve this conflict—
[ROB, DICK & BARRY]
Motherf*cker!
*Rewind sound*
[IAN, spoken]
So, shall we leave it at that, then?
[ROB, spoken]
How 'bout we leave it at this?
*Gunshot*
[ROB]
I'm so tired of hearing your mouth run
Popped a cap on your ass, now you're done, son
[BARRY]
Attention shoppers, there's blood on the floor
[DICK]
We got a one-eight-seven on aisle four
[ROB]
Now you know how much your life is worth
This was your—
[ROB, DICK & BARRY, HIPSTER]
Last real record store on earth (What)
Earth (What)
Earth (What)
Earth (What)
[BITCHES & PIMPS]
It's a better place you've gone to
[ROB]
You better hope it's better
[BITCHES & PIMPS]
I pray the Lord your soul to save
[ROB]
Pathetic rebound f*ck
[BITCHES & PIMPS]
While you rest up there in heaven
[ROB]
Yeah, yeah, yeah
[BITCHES & PIMPS]
I'll be pissin' on your grave
[ROB]
I will be pissin' on your grave
[BITCHES & PIMPS]
Pissin' on your grave
[ROB]
I got my ho's **** down
And a magnum of Kris
[BITCHES & PIMPS]
Yeah, yeah
Pissin' on your grave
[ROB]
I'm gonna **** you in the ****
With my motherf*ckin' ****
[BITCHES & PIMPS]
Pray the Lord your soul to save
[ROB]
Girl, open his mouth
'Cause I'm ready to—
[BITCHES & PIMPS]
Pissin', pissin'
Pissin' on your grave
[ROB]
Now you've had a taste of my big black Glock
How about a taste of my ****?
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Goodbye and Good Luck
by Jon Patrick Walker
[ Featuring Will Chase ]
[ROB]
Why can't I be like the Boss?
'Cause being like me is no fun
Why was I doomed to be left?
Why wasn't I born to run?
Why can't I let loose of this heavy load
Of rage and of pain?
Why can't I be from Thunder Road
And not from Pudding Hill Lane?
With my girl on stage there smiling across
Even for one night
Why can't I be like the Boss?
Woah
Woah, woah, woah, woah
Why can't I be like the Boss?
Woah
Woah, woah, woah, woah
Why can't I be like the—
[BRUCE, spoken]
Why can't you, Rob?
[ROB, spoken]
What?
[BRUCE, spoken]
Why can't you, y'know, be like me?
[ROB, spoken]
Boss?
[BRUCE, spoken]
Please, call me Mr. Springsteen
You know, with your top five break-ups
Why don't you get in touch with 'em?
[ROB, spoken]
Uh, why would I?
[BRUCE, spoken]
Well, it's, it's like in "Bobby Jean..."
[ROB, spoken]
Oh, where you call the girl up, but she's left town
And you're pissed off you didn't know about it?
[BRUCE, spoken]
Right!
'Cause I wanted to say goodbye
And that I missed her
And I wish her good luck
It's closure, man
And it's the same with your Top Five!
[BRUCE]
Why don't you call them like the ghosts
That roam the main street of the steel town
Where the plant's been closed
Since Veteran's Day?
[ROB, spoken]
What plant?
[BRUCE]
You're a lost soul drowning
In the memories that haunt you
All those pretty bare feet runnin' into the night
See them runnin' away
[ROB, spoken]
But what would I say?
[BRUCE]
Just tell 'em how you are
And ask 'em how they are
Then look into their eyes
And talk without makin' a sound
Then you can forgive them for messin' around
And they can forgive you for messin' around
Yeah, you can forgive them for messin' around
And they can forgive you for messin' around
Think how good you'll be feelin' then
Shinin' like the chrome on your bike
All revved up and ready to start again
Laughin' as you're thinkin' back to when
Love was somethin' you didn't like
So bottled up with pain you might explode
So if you want to be lifted of your heavy load
Say goodbye and good luck to your top five break-ups
And move on down the road
[ROB, spoken]
Say what?
[BRUCE]
Say goodbye and good luck to your top five break-ups
And move on down the road
[ROB]
Alison who ditched me
After three days in the park
[BRUCE, spoken]
Call her!
[ROB]
Penny who wouldn't let me feel her up
Then had sex with that bastard Clark
[BRUCE, spoken]
Woo, cold!
[ROB]
Charlie who was too much for my heart to defend
[BRUCE, spoken]
That's right!
[ROB]
Sarah who was safe, but then turned gay in the end
[BRUCE, spoken]
C'mon!
[ROB & BRUCE]
Laura who made me/you
The mess that I am/you are today!
[BRUCE, spoken]
One, two, three!
[BRUCE]
Goodbye and good luck to your top five break-ups
And move on down the road!
[Four cell phones ring.]
[ALISON, spoken]
Hello?
[PENNY, spoken]
Hey-hey-hey
[CHARLIE, spoken]
Pronto
[SARAH, spoken]
Yo
[ROB]
Well, hey there, I just called to say hello
And wish you well and that I cherish those times we shared
Despite what you did
[ALISON, spoken]
Who is this?
[ROB]
Though you wouldn't even let me
Touch your breast
Then gave it up for Clark
Let's put the past to rest
Hey, you were only a kid
[PENNY, spoken]
How'd you get this number?
[ROB]
Sure, I was naive then
My-heart-on-my-sleeve then
And I never quite got my feet
Back on the ground
[CHARLIE, spoken]
That's my call-waiting
[SARAH, spoken]
I'm a dyke!
[ROB]
But, girl, I forgive you for messin' around
And I hope you forgive me for messin' around
Just know I forgive you for messin' around
And I pray you forgive me for messin' around
Now I'm feeling clean and new and fresh
Shining like the chrome on my bike
[BRUCE, spoken]
Schwinn!
[ROB]
All revved up and ready to start again
[BRUCE]
Yeah, you're laughin' as you're thinkin' back to when
Love was somethin' you didn't like
[ROB]
I put an end to that old episode
[ROB & BRUCE]
And if you want to be lifted of your heavy load
Say goodbye and good luck to my/your top five break-ups
And move on down the road
Say goodbye and good luck to my/your top five break-ups
[BRUCE]
Ciao and adios to your top five break-ups
[ROB & BRUCE]
So long and sayonara
To that old pain and sorrow
[ROB]
I'm movin' on down
[BRUCE]
You won't stick around
[ROB]
Yeah, I'm movin' on down—
[ROB & BRUCE]
The road!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
It's No Problem (Reprise)
by Christian Anderson
[ Featuring Kirsten Wyatt ]
Dick:
It's no problem.
So she doesn't like The Clash.
And she likes 'Achy Breaky Heart'
And thinks it's sung by Johnny Cash.
She's really into learning stuff--
So it should be okay.
But if she weren't,
I'd still like her anyway.
Cause she's pretty and real nice and smart
And not too short
And also not too tall.
So it's no problem--no problem at all.
It's no problem
Though our tastes may disagree
She may not like the things I like
But she says she likes me.
And her laughing
Is my fav'rite sound by far
And I'm thinking,
It's not what you like that counts
But who you are.
When it comes to favorite Beatle
Mine is George
Anna:
And mine is Paul.
Dick:
But it's no problem...
Anna:
It's no problem...
Both:
It's no pro-blem!
...at all.
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Laura Laura
by Will Chase
I made a list of everything
That's gone on between you and me
And even an idiot like me could see
No matter how you add it up
When you reach the bottom line
The fault was usually mine.
The stupid things I've said and done
If I could change just even one
the thing I'd say would be:
Laura, Laura...I'm so sorry.
It's become my trade in stock
To always jump fron rock to rock
Chasing fantasies that don't come through.
Thought I was happy just to coast
But it's me who needed you the most.
Of course that's something
I could never own up to.
I want to look you in the face to say
What I never had the grace to say
When you were still with me:
Laura, Laura...I'm so sorry.
For everything you're going through
And everything I can't undo,
Please accept this small apology
Oh, Laura, Laura,
Sweet, sweet Laura
Laura, Laura...
For letting you down...
For letting you go...
I'm so sorry.
That's gone on between you and me
And even an idiot like me could see
No matter how you add it up
When you reach the bottom line
The fault was usually mine.
The stupid things I've said and done
If I could change just even one
the thing I'd say would be:
Laura, Laura...I'm so sorry.
It's become my trade in stock
To always jump fron rock to rock
Chasing fantasies that don't come through.
Thought I was happy just to coast
But it's me who needed you the most.
Of course that's something
I could never own up to.
I want to look you in the face to say
What I never had the grace to say
When you were still with me:
Laura, Laura...I'm so sorry.
For everything you're going through
And everything I can't undo,
Please accept this small apology
Oh, Laura, Laura,
Sweet, sweet Laura
Laura, Laura...
For letting you down...
For letting you go...
I'm so sorry.
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Turn the World Off (And Turn You On)
by Jay Klaitz
[ Featuring Jon Patrick Walker, Will Chase, Jenn Colella, Rachel Stern, High Fidelity Original Broadway Cast ]
[ROB, spoken]
Ladies and gentlemen, against my better judgment
I give you Sonic Death Monkey
[Sound effects montage.]
[BARRY, spoken]
A tone poem
Where's the "off" switch, mother?
"Off," as in the absence of "on"
"Off," as in the absence of sound
Absence of light, absence of pain
Nay, absence of you
Someone's gone off with the off
And until death
There is no off
Shall ye go then to the wolves of night, my love
And give them thine tender flesh?
Louder, faster, funnier, deadlier—more, more
Choices upon choices
Like bodies upon bodies
Litter the landscape of our lives
Baying insanities, inanities
Their steely jaws blistering howls of profanities
And I just want to—I just want to
Turn the world off!
[BARRY & BACKUP SINGER]
And turn you on, baby
I just wanna turn the world off
And turn you on
Yeah, yeah, yeah
[BARRY]
Unplug the phone and all that we own
Come lie here next to me
Oh yeah
Try a different brand of happiness
Than they're sellin' on TV
Uh-huh
You won't even need the clothes that you're in
For the vacation we're about to begin
Oh, honey let's go travelin'
And visit every inch of your skin
'Cause baby, baby, baby
[BARRY, BARRY & BACKUP SINGER, BACKUP SINGER]
Oh, I just wanna turn the world off
And turn you on (I wanna turn you on, turn you on)
And give you all the love you're worthy of
In a lovin' marathon (Lovin' marathon)
So let's stay home, sugar
And let our friends talk about us
And just for one night
Let the world turn without us
Let's turn the world off, baby
I wanna turn you on
[LAURA]
I made a list of all your faults
It was quite detailed and lengthy too
And when I read it through I missed you
You're like a classic Eagles song
You just can't help but sing along
Even though it sometimes gets annoying too
I just know I wanna be
Wherever I can wake and see
You there next to me
[ROB]
Oh, Laura, Laura
[LAURA]
That is if you're free
[ROB]
I'm pretty sure I'm free
[LAURA]
I wanna come home
[ROB]
Oh Laura, come home
[ROB & LAURA]
Be with me
[BARRY, ENSEMBLE, BARRY & BACKUP SINGER]
Oh, baby, baby, baby
Oh, I just wanna turn the world off
Turn it off, turn it off
Oh, and turn you on (Turn you on)
I'm gonna turn you on, turn you on
I'm gonna take control and rock your soul (Rock your soul)
And send you smiling towards the dawn
Smilin' towards the dawn
'Cause there's nothing I could buy
And no high could measure (No high could measure)
With hearing you sigh
And shudder with pleasure (Shudder with pleasure)
I just wanna turn the world off
Turn the world off
[LIZ]
I just wanna turn the world off
[ENSEMBLE]
Turn the world off
[BARRY & BACKUP SINGER]
I just wanna turn the world off
[ENSEMBLE]
Turn the world off
[BARRY]
And turn you
Sweet, sweet, lady
I wanna turn you
[BARRY & COMPANY]
On!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Too Tired
by Jenn Colella
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All I want is to be taken care of
And there's no one inside there who can
All this sad talking I've had my share of
So when I heard that you skipped out, I ran
I keep hoping this is all some lousy dream
I don't want to reminisce
I want to scream
Look at us, now is it any wonder
That we're both such a pitiful mess
We're just kids trapped inside of these bodies
How we get by is anyone's guess
Is this the way life's always gonna be
Well if that's the case I think you'd better sleep with me
I'm too tired not to be with you
I'm too sad I feel too bad and I can't deal with anyone new
So you're hired I'll bet you like it too
It's either that or do myself harm
Stub a cigarette out on my arm
I guess sex will have to do
'Cause I'm too tired not to be with you
Look I know this isn't very romantic
But it may be again by and by
I could say don't come back till you've wised up
Try to change you but then again why
I know you and we get along okay
And you've made it clear you want me back so what the hey
I'm too tired not to be with you
I'm too fried and cold inside and I need to feel a little less blue
But I'm too wired to stop and think this through
I just want to disappear
And wake up some time next year
Oh this is wrong I know and it's so long ago that I looked at you from here
Just let me love you
I don't know what else to do
'Cause I'm too tired
I'm so tired, I'm too tired
I'm so tired, I'm too tired, not to be with you
All I want is to be taken care of
And there's no one inside there who can
All this sad talking I've had my share of
So when I heard that you skipped out, I ran
I keep hoping this is all some lousy dream
I don't want to reminisce
I want to scream
Look at us, now is it any wonder
That we're both such a pitiful mess
We're just kids trapped inside of these bodies
How we get by is anyone's guess
Is this the way life's always gonna be
Well if that's the case I think you'd better sleep with me
I'm too tired not to be with you
I'm too sad I feel too bad and I can't deal with anyone new
So you're hired I'll bet you like it too
It's either that or do myself harm
Stub a cigarette out on my arm
I guess sex will have to do
'Cause I'm too tired not to be with you
Look I know this isn't very romantic
But it may be again by and by
I could say don't come back till you've wised up
Try to change you but then again why
I know you and we get along okay
And you've made it clear you want me back so what the hey
I'm too tired not to be with you
I'm too fried and cold inside and I need to feel a little less blue
But I'm too wired to stop and think this through
I just want to disappear
And wake up some time next year
Oh this is wrong I know and it's so long ago that I looked at you from here
Just let me love you
I don't know what else to do
'Cause I'm too tired
I'm so tired, I'm too tired
I'm so tired, I'm too tired, not to be with you
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
High Fidelity is a musical with music by Tom Kitt, lyrics by Amanda Green, and a book by David Lindsay-Abaire.
Based primarily on the 1995 Nick Hornby novel of the same name, the plot focuses on Rob Gordon, a Brooklyn record shop owner in his thirties obsessed with making top five lists for everything, always observing rather than participating in life. When his girlfriend Laura leaves him, he goes through a painful re-evaluation of his life and lost loves (with a little help from his music) and he slowly learns that he has to grow up and let go of his self-centered view of the world before he can find real happiness.
Premiering in Boston in 2006, the musical eventually moved to Broadway, opening on December 7, 2006, at the Imperial Theatre. The show received mixed reviews, and closed on December 17, 2006, after 18 previews and 13 performances.
-Wikipedia
Genre(s):
Soundtrack, Musical Based primarily on the 1995 Nick Hornby novel of the same name, the plot focuses on Rob Gordon, a Brooklyn record shop owner in his thirties obsessed with making top five lists for everything, always observing rather than participating in life. When his girlfriend Laura leaves him, he goes through a painful re-evaluation of his life and lost loves (with a little help from his music) and he slowly learns that he has to grow up and let go of his self-centered view of the world before he can find real happiness.
Premiering in Boston in 2006, the musical eventually moved to Broadway, opening on December 7, 2006, at the Imperial Theatre. The show received mixed reviews, and closed on December 17, 2006, after 18 previews and 13 performances.
-Wikipedia
Length: 65:00
Released: May 15th, 2007
Year: 2007