A Rapper Named Nati - October Lyrics

Am I a victim of society?
Is this a symptom of sobriety?
You better keep an eye on me
I try to keep my mind at ease but never seem to find my peace
Celebrity's a lie to me
Obsessed it seems with diamond rings
Designer jeans and expensive things that shine and gleam
They pry and peep into the lives we keep, no privacy
They don't factor in the price of fame
That's not a price that I can pay
I'm just tryin' to find my place
I try to take it all in stride, but sometimes I break
I just wanna fly away
I try to wade through dire straits
I'm tryin' to find a way to hide the pain
They ask if I'm alright today, I'll lie and say that I'm okay

I just wanna sleep till it's over
I'm just tryin' to keep my composure
Seasons change and people get colder
People change like the leaves in October

All I'm in need of is closure
I try to drink till I'm sober
Reasons change as people get older
People change like the leaves in October

I came to the end, I had given up
I was at the edge, but I didn't jump
We can play pretend like I give a f*ck
But it's time to make amends for the shit I've done

How you supposed to love when you hate yourself?
Who do you trust when you betray yourself?
I need a win, I'm tired of takin' L's
No one knows about the pain I've felt

Truth is I'm a piece of shit
I pray to God but I don't know if I believe in him
And I don't know if I'll be leavin' this
Earth soon, I never meant to hurt you
But I've been thinkin' 'bout suicide
Truth is I don't know if I could do it right
Yeah, I've sliced my wrist before
I'm not sure what I'm livin' for
The ball's in my court but it's a different sport
I'll probably die before I'm 54
That means I'm well past a mid-life crisis
I got these habits to kill and these vices
I don't have any pills 'cuz of prices
So the glass that I fill is to fight this
Only happy when I'm not sober
I've been feelin' low all October
Might need to get high to get over it
I've been open with my emotions, if
I told you this
Imagine what I won't admit

I just wanna sleep till it's over
I'm just tryin' to keep my composure
Seasons change and people get colder
People change like the leaves in October

All I'm in need of is closure
I try to drink till I'm sober
Reasons change as people get older
People change like the leaves in October

And I don't know if you know this
But I can't be alone with my thoughts
I've been losin' focus
Feelin' empty and broken
I've been feelin' hopelessness
Starin' out the window motionless
Tears streamin' down my face
I've been screamin' out in vain
This is awful tragic
The thoughts I have is the cost of madness
If I'm not distracted, I get lost in sadness
I was starin' off in space and forgot what happened
I forgot why I came in this room
So I sat on the floor and I cried
I've been askin' the Lord for a sign
I need support, I need time
I need some sort of divine intervention
I need some friendship
My heart is broken, I need to mend it
My life is hopeless might need to end it

I just wanna sleep till it's over
I'm just tryin' to keep my composure
Seasons change and people get colder
People change like the leaves in October

All I'm in need of is closure
I try to drink till I'm sober
Reasons change as people get older
People change like the leaves in October

I came to the end, I had given up
I was at the edge, but I didn't jump
We can play pretend like I give a f*ck
But it's time to make amends for the shit I've done

How you supposed to love when you hate yourself?
Who do you trust when you betray yourself?
I need a win, I'm tired of takin' L's
No one knows about the pain I've felt

Mom and dad never said "I'm proud of you"
I feel all alone in a crowded room
All my life been told I'm bound to lose
I'm afraid right now what I'm 'bout to do

I've been so stressed, I'm ready to hurl
I'm really not dressed for the end of the world
I'm not dressed for the end of the world
I'm really not dressed for the end of the world