Listen here you little shit
My name is Uncle Kenny and I am sick and tired of waiting on my mail
Back when I was younger the mailman always brought the mail around supper time
Now he brings it before
How am I supposed to focus on supper time when my mail is already in my home
Now all I can think about is what's in the mail
But I am now allowed to read it until supper time is over
Hence to this day I cast a spiteful gaze in the direction of every postal vehicle
I loathe them
I despise them
I wish I could be them
I want to sleep with them
But I'm too afraid to open my door.