so long... (December 27, 2019) Video (MV)

I used to wanna know what it feels like
Wake up from my trance and I finally understand this is real life
You always had a plan, now I finally understand what something real is like
This is real life
I used to wonder what it feel like
Now I don't wanna know
Take away what's in my heart, help me let it go
Used to wanna be a star, till I met you, so
I don't wanna be a part of it anymore, no
I don't wanna be a part of it anymore
So can you take from me the need to try and be somebody I'm not
To be somebody I'm not, please
I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
I don't wanna be
Somebody I'm not
So won't you speak to me
Help me see through
I used to wanna know what it feels like
Used to try to make plans
Now I'm learning patience
Enemies approach, I'mma shake hands
Always used to say I'm gon' make it
Lot of bold statements
Lord, make it make sense
Used to try and make friends with a heart full of jealousy and hatred
Lot of people don't know what they chasing till it's gone
Till it's gone
But I checked out a long time ago, so long
So long
So long
So long
I used to wanna know what it feels like
Wake up from my trance and I finally understand this is real life
You always had a plan, now I finally understand what something real is like
This is real life
I used to wonder what it feel like
Now I don't wanna know
Take away what's in my heart, help me let it go
Used to wanna be a star, till I met you, so
I don't wanna be a part of it anymore, no
I don't wanna be a part of it anymore
So can you take from me the need to try and be somebody I'm not
To be somebody I'm not, please
I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
I don't wanna be
Somebody I'm not
So won't you speak to me
Help me see through
I used to wanna know what it feels like
But I checked out a long time ago, I'm in real life
Yeah, I checked out a long time ago so long
I'm gone
So long
So long
So long
I miss you, God, like I miss you
I've not been talking to you the way that I should be and the amount that I should be
And I haven't been relying on you for help the way that I should be
I keep thinking that I'm gonna just figure it all out on my own
I think instead I should just wait for your opportunities to come to me
But still be willing to pursue new things and work hard in the meantime
And just be my best self, be happy, you know
I'm not gonna be happy with life if I'm constantly stressing and worried about where my future's gonna be
Cause right now is not so bad, you know, I'm 18, about to be 19
And I got a loving family and I should be focused on those things
And the fact that I'm happy with those things
I'm not miserable
But I am just, it's been a journey
Anyway, I just pray, I pray
For God's, your support, God, this year
Pray for peace, for love, for joy
For continued growth as a human being and as an adult
And as myself and in music and, you know, seeing my family more
And pray for, you know, just, just joy and love and, you know
I just pray for the best things, all of those things that only, only really God can provide, you know
True happiness is, I, it's weird because I know it's only found through, through Jesus
And yet I still find myself tending to chase after and pursue things
And stress about things that I think will make me happy
But really won't, you know, even with new cars, you know, new cars are great
But, you know, if I'm driving alone then it's like, you know, it's almost pointless
My name's Harlan James Lawson and, um, thanks for listening
Um, even though it's probably just me listening to it, but
Wherever you're at in the future, Har, I just want you to know
I love you, man, I'm supporting you, and you're going to continue to do great things
So don't give up when you're down, man
All right, this has been Harlan, signing off
I'll see you guys in the next, uh, journal