Lately, it's been a great Christmas And a little blue Christmas, too
I miss all the snow And I also miss you, too
Ooh, it's the winter blues Your calls just never come through
Why would I bother with you? You're my grandma But I won't hesitate to cut you in two
Not in the Christmas mood, yeah I've been feeling too down
Nonbelievers in this house It's Christmas, you gotta get out, yeah
Wake up on Christmas morn But I feel like my heart is torn
Kicked my cat out the abode in the snow Frostbite on her toe, oh
Hearing those jingle bells But I'm not liking the way that they sound
Kicked my aunt out cause she's tall Six foot two with a hundred foot fall, yeah
Everything seemed to go fine Until my dog died
Yeah, tried to spend time with my family But it all just felt like a fantasy
This ain't a joke, go splash on a bloke That twinkle bell ain't no man to me
Turks and Caicos, as good as it goes I ain't got no shoes, that's the sandal me
I know Taekwondo and Karate, too I got ten guys, but they can't handle me
Walk in the slush, cold chill on my blush Feeling purple, that's the rain on me
Ooh, it's the winter blues Your calls just never come through
Why would I bother with you? You're my grandma But I won't hesitate to cut you in two
Came down my chimney, snuck in my house A big red man, as quiet as a mouse
Wasn't there to give me presents, wasn't there to bring me joy He just wanted my girl, to use her like a toy
Santa brought me lots of pain, Santa brought me lots of shame When all I really asked for was a little bit of fame
But instead I lost my love, and Santa is to blame And now I sit alone by my big fireplace
And every Christmas I wallow in my pity I sit there on the ground and I feel real shitty
Have to jerk myself off and it gets real sticky Really gross and it's not very pretty, no
It's very gross, and I don't know what to do How do I get rid of these winter blues
It's very gross, and I don't know what to do How do I get rid of these winter blues
Ooh, it's the winter blues Your calls just never come through
Why would I bother with you? You're my grandma But I won't hesitate to cut you in two
Ooh, it's the winter blues Your calls just never come through
Why would I bother with you? You're my grandma But I won't hesitate to cut you in two