Arse Biscuits - Can't Flush It Lyrics

A man sits in his solitude
As he waits to take a dump or two
With a clench he begins to poo
A nice, formidable log
He rises from the toilet seat
As he's staring at his turds complete
Another fart begins to speak
So he sits his ass back on the bog

From the farts came a hideous stink
The turds below they started to sink
Then another gush made him think
That more poos were coming to play
Then he felt the tar cover his bum
His burning anus and his balls hanging numb
Then he delivered the prodigal son
The bringer of all his pain

Now it takes a certain kind of man
That wraps the paper round his wiping hand
And tries to break his logs in two
Cause he knows he just can't flush it
He doesn't care if it leaves a stain
He just wants the turds to make their way
But as he looks down into the loo
He knows he just can't flush it

There is no sign of a toilet brush
There is no way that his poos will flush

Now it takes a certain kind of man
That wraps the paper round his wiping hand
And tries to break his logs in two
Coz he knows he just can't flush it
He doesn't care if it leaves a stain
He just wants the turds to make their way
But as he looks down into the loo
He knows he just can't flush it