Athena Nadalin - had to happen Lyrics

It's the season for the hometown and explaining my degree
At the party of some school friends who I hoped I'd never see
I sneak out the back door, windows fogged up in his car
Second night in a row now, asked him if that was too far
Which is a new thing, it's good of me, secrets never made me friends
Just apologetic liars I can barely call an ex
I won the breakup-pain Olympics, thought I'd ride that high forever
Never believed in double jeopardy, but I just let go of my lawyer
Had to, had to
Had to, had to
Had to, had to
Had to, had to
Think I made it what it wasn't and cared because he didn't
Think I moved into his attic and cried when I got evicted
Turns out when you hit bottom, you can just keep going down
I dug my way to China when I could've turned around
Or at least I could in hindsight, surely not back then
I was hellbent on his happiness and plotting my revenge
And closure isn't real, anyone who says so is full of shit
I cringe at all those phone calls, like one more might make it make sense
It never did, it never could, there is no explanation
That won't send me to his doorstep, blind eye to humiliation
Wish I could go back to my dorm room, grab me by the shoulders
Answers won't make you feel better, you'll understand when you get older
He's not like you, he doesn't preplan every text
Edit the punctuation, draft it in his notes app
He doesn't drop by where you might be and stalk your Spotify
Looking for clues in all the lyrics and your f*cking Twitter likes
It had to happen, had to bury me alive
He had to lead me off the cliff so I'd learn not to do it twice
I had to hate him, had to frame him for my death
To dig myself out of the grave, a self-proclaimed success
I signed his email up for PornHub daily alerts
They said "please pick a new address, this one is already in service"
Cut his photos out my yearbooks, wrote his number in bathroom stalls
I heard he took it like a champ and got a date from the calls
So yeah I get it, everything worked out for you
And I got better, just needed time and had to move
I thought you left me in your rearview, but I hitchhiked my way back
I know you think about it, do you ever get swept back?
Supercuts of almost love, reread the book of f*cking up
Dog-ear the pages, you relate, Thanksgiving dinner, you broke a plate
I brought the broom, said "it's just china"
Mom asked "who forgot their lighter?"
It's still here, survived the battle, plastic always outlives scandal
Like we do, like we did, and I swear I'm better for it
Still keep my heart on my sleeve like I could live without the organ
But attention isn't love
(Though it is so nice to have it)
Hate to say this, stroke his ego, but I think it had to happen