Bad Hats Theatre - Jazz'cuse Lyrics

I have never seen someone eat a tart before. This is thrilling.
Ahhhhh!!!
Your majesty! What is it?!
It's the tarts. They're...they're... missing.
(Gay gasp)
Stole them!
Who did?
What?
The tarts! I'll find out who did this.
You there,
Me?
You did.
No!
Then prove it, who is your witness?
You dare do this?
How could all of my servants have missed it?
I will paint the field red, someone's losing their head.
You stole the tarts.
I didn't!
Silence! Silence in the court! All rise. The honourable Red Queen presiding.
You may be seated.
Name the accused!
All rise for the naming of the accused!
The accused is Alice. You may be seated.
I didn't do anything!
Silence in the court!
All rise for the reading of the crime.
The Royal Queen, she had some tarts
And each of them was round
But now those tarts, with broken hearts
We own cannot be found.
Oooh. Order in the court! Alice, what do you know about this business?
Nothing!
Nothing whatever?
Nothing at all!
That's just what someone who did know something would say.
Aha! Proof!
Where are the tarts!?
I don't know!
Answer the question!
It's the most important question!
Why?
I make the rules and the rules are the rules
And breaking a rule is the worst broken rule.
I am the witness, the jury, the judge
And my verdict will not budge.
Look there!
Look where?
Are you looking at me? Cause you looked scared.
Rabbit!
Grab it!
Look, the platter of tarts, and she has it!
Oh!
How dare! Be clear!
Is it true that you've hidden your tarts here?
This is not how it looks.
Yes it's you who's the crook.
You stole the tarts!
Order in the court!
You stole the tarts yourself!
Yes. I did.
Your majesty! Why?
I couldn't let her have one. Only queens can have tarts. That's the rule.
But I am a queen! I made it to the eighth square!
Alice, you're no queen. I have one final piece of evidence that explains everything
My assignment, give it back!
She doesn't know what she wants to be.
She's a liar. And a cheat. A lying, cheating tart stealing thief!
I didn't steal the -
Six! Seven! Eight!
I will teach you what it means to cheat
What it means to steal from me.
(What's it gonna be Alice?)
I'm a patient and a gracious queen
But good tarts don't come for free.
Don't try making me a cake instead
Or a basic loaf of bread.
(What's it gonna be Alice?)
I'll get even when the clock goes back
And I have your time to spend.
Because that will be your end!
Where'd she go?
Find the girl!
(Find the girl!)
Did she go?!
Where has she run?
(Keep looking!)
Cut off her head.
(We're looking!)
Just get it done!
Or else it's
Off with your head!
(Off with your head!)
Off with your head!
(Off with your head!)
Alice, sit still!
This isn't how a young adult behaves!
Alice, you're disrupting the class!
Off with your head!