It was a normal Friday evening, we were settling in to watch the coup
The bridges were blocked over the Bosphorus, not a sinner was getting through
In these days of terror it's hard to know what to do
Go out and find a stranger and give them a hug or crack open a bottle of bargain Prosecco and watch it all with a shrug
The presidents says the plotters will end up swinging on a rope
And all of you true patriots must not abandon hope
Do not abandon
The coup turned out to be a damp squib
The patriots had stood in front of the tanks
They'd rounded up all the hacks and the academics
There'd be no more dissension in the ranks
The presidents says the plotters will end up swinging on a rope
And all of you true patriots must not abandon hope
Do not abandon hope
There will be distressing scenes shown right from the start
Pictures of children suffering that will break your heart
It was a normal Friday evening, we'd long since forgotten about the coup
There was a woman on the telly in a hazmat suit warning us about the superflu
It all begins with a ticklish cough, a sore throat and a runny nose
Before long you're writhing in agony, covered all over in killer buboes
Lock yourself in the panic room, smother yourself in soap
And for God's sake whatever you do
Do not abandon hope