[ Featuring Pretzels ]
I don't like modern technology
My window to the world's been painted black
The wheel and Jeopardy! block is my life now
At eight o'clock there is no turning back
They took a deep-dive into my history
The floor dropped out from under my feet
One minute here, next you are grinding me
Into a sausage no one wants to eat
I can't predict the future, but I can sense
Storms ahead with unrelenting force
That doesn't make me a meteorologist
I must take shelter as it runs its course
My eye is twitching, I anticipate that
My life is just beginning to assume new shape
This is not who I am
Or what I want to be
I have a lot to learn
I could be something better
I must improve myself, and
I'm glad that you are giving me this chance
Here is my will and testament
In a ready-made cancel statement
So, soak up your fifteen minutes of fame
Before the public catches word
Change your name, burn off your fingertips
And fall of the face of the earth
Thought you were someone else
Well, who else would it be
I must remove myself
But I won't go quietly
They'll drag me down the street
Kicking and screaming
I've tried to run, I've tried to hide
But everywhere I go, there it is
This is not who I am
