Bigdumbhick - You Can't Trust a Fart Lyrics

My father was lying in his hospital bed
Looking like soon he would be dead
Then he opened one eye and said "Before I go
There's a few things, Son, that you need to know

You can't trust a fart, that's a no-shitter
Don't waste a hard-on, Son don't be a quitter
Take care of your teeth, afore they soak in a jar
And always remember, you can't trust a fart

Find you a woman, or Hell find you a man
Find one that loves you, just as you am
Don't pick one for beauty, no that fades away
Find one with heart, find one who'll stay

If you marry for money, there ain't never enough
You'll find you don't need, a whole lot of stuff
Remember that riches, all come from the heart
Put your faith in Jesus, but don't trust a fart

You can't trust a fart, that's a no-shitter
And don't waste a hard-on, Son don't be a quitter
Take care of your teeth, afore they soak in a jar
And always remember, you can't trust a fart

One day you are born, and then the next day you're dead
It ain't very long, yea that's what she said
So don't squander your time, let me learn you a trick
Love everybody, and don't be a dick

Love all the dogs, and some of the cats
Be in the moment, wherever you're at
Open your mind, son, and you'll open your heart
Be kind to strangers, but don't trust a fart

You can't trust a fart, that's a no-shitter
And don't waste a hard-on, Son don't be a quitter
Take care of your teeth, afore they soak in a jar
And always remember, you can't trust a fart

Don't spend all your money, put some away
You're gonna get old and you'll need it some day
Beer it cost money, hell there ain't much that's free
And strippers don't discount for AARP

When it's my time to go, up to heaven above
The only thing I can leave you, is all of my love
Try to remember, these things that I said
Cause if you trust a fart, son, you'll shit the bed

Would you please call the Nurse, Son, I think I've just shit the bed

You can't trust a fart, that's a no-shitter
And don't waste a hard-on, Son don't be a quitter
Take care of your teeth, before they soak in a jar
And always remember, you can't trust a fart