Johnny is a nice guy, all smiles, even while
Stacking piles of ancient files
He's got a nice family, skinny wife
God knows what happens when he leaves the house
He likes juicy lamb with gassy drink
Consumed while sitting in a public park, but
When he sees a crowd, he's urged to
Step in the middle and let out a big fart
Freeeakin' hobbies
Freeeakin' hobbies
Dusty books on rusty shelves
Entwine a withered rose named Berth
All day she climbs up and down the ladder, but
No one would ever peek under her skirt
When home at last, she has a bath, and
Posts a bunch of burning candlesticks, she
Gets naked and lays down on her bed and
Makes a tarantula stroll over her tits
Freeeakin' hobbies
Freeeakin' hobbies
Restless minds, linked by streams of bytes
Carrying cryptic words that
Bring in a little warmth and joy while they keep
Planning ways to reunite, Johnny and Berth
Cheap junk with high tech gadget
Squeezed tight in limited space and time
With the two sad fellas drawing circles and lines
And dreaming about to carry out the perfect crime
Freeeakin' hobbies
Freeeakin' hobbies