The Boatswains - Grooming Products Lyrics

I'm a family man
And the cool years of my life have passed me by
But I'm a happy man
So I don't waste my time wondering why

I work and I eat and I bathe and I sleep
I've got a routine for everyday
Coffee in the morning root beer in the evening
And I always make time to pray

But there are those moments that belong to myself
When no one else is there
I shower and I shave and I brush and I scrub
And spend some moments molding my hair

But my dilemma lies
In what grooming products to use
There seems to be too many options
Too many rules
Grooming products are important
They help me smell nice
But sometimes
It's too hard
To
Choose

You know
I don't like shampoo that smells like apples
Peaches and cream or hemp
For the sake of time an electric razor is good
But when I get done shaving
My beard seems longer than it did before I started
And what's up with deodorant
I mean first of all I won't use antiperspirant
Because it doesn't work
And it makes my t-shirts all yellow and crusty

It makes my t-shirts yellow and crusty
It makes my t-shirts yellow and crusty
It makes my t-shirts yellow and crusty
Clark Griswold had four sons and their names were Rusty

And why does every modern day deodorant or shave gel smell like Drakaar
I wore Drakaar in high school
Who didn't
You know I must be a caveman or something
Do what
Well because I like my shaving cream to come out of a can
Not some squeeze tube
I put some soap on my face
Then I use some shaving cream
I use a razor that's got two blades at the most
Not four
Not five
Not six
I cut my face at least twenty-five times
Then I splash on some pure alcohol after shave