Christian Powers - I Don't Know Lyrics

I don't know what it is
But a part of me aches
I guess my pain is just derived from all of my past mistakes
I've been through trials
Runnin miles
Been mixed in piles of dirt
Got up again to try another time
Just to find myself returning to the hurt
It's like I voluntarily stain my shirt with blood from the battles
I hate it
Hurting as all the pain I obtain it lurks
And it really all is just a shame I'm certain
That this pain is going to hold me back
A cloud of doubt tends to try to hang over me
Reminds me of what I don't like to see
All the times pain left for me to bleed
These moments are now nothing but a painful burden
And just about every time that I try to enjoy a moment
Whether that be through things or just relationships
My heart starts playing tricks
Then I mess things up cause I try to cling to it
To the point that I suffocate and kill it
Guess you could say I'm pretty bad at flirtin
Unless it comes to flirtin with anger
Just a bit of danger
I think if there was a class called failure
It is something I would major in
I'm scared to get hurt again
Me and my fear be battlin'
Insecurities flowin within
I don't know
I guess my pain is just derived from all of my past mistakes
How am I gonna end up in the end
If I let my cowardice win
By the benefits are the risks outweighed
I feel like without love
All I am left with is hate
Maybe
I'm not made to be
With somebody
Else and it's not my destiny
That's the feeling
That I draw my ambition from
The type that makes me numb
I'm calloused
Due to the scars on my heart
I look alive
I play the part
But if looked inside you'd see my art
You'd prolly see a messy picture
So sinister
Wishin ya didn't see what you saw
Cause even I can be scared of my own thoughts
Feeling feelings that are not
Morally correct
Yeah perfect
Is not something that I have obtained yet or I ever will
My mistakes are something I'm learnin from still
Pain is meant to teach you a lesson
If not learned pain's something that you'll never kill
I try to find things that I think will fill
The void inside my heart but it never fills
Feeling like whatever I do still
Makes me go head over both my heals
To execute my desired will
Which will leave me more empty inside
From the lusts of my flesh and my eyes
To obtain everything that I prize
That I think might satisfy my need to prove to everyone who denies
And rejects me