CHVSE - Scared Lyrics

When I was 4 I was fighting for my life
They stabbed me up with needles tryna get the treatment right
I was scared I was dying like the kid the other night
Cuz he ain't get the same meds that I did on the flight
And now he's dead
Man that should've been me
Like what if he was that dude who coulda cured a disease
Or figured out a way to save us when the earth would deplete
Or then became the f*cking president who nurtured the peace
I just don't get it
Cuz I ain't living my life
Man all I do is sit at home and f*cking bitch when I write
Then f*ck a bitch every night, instead of picking them right
Cuz in my past every girl I had was picking a fight
And it made me nervous, my circuits are shot and I don't care
I'm tryna find the words that'll surface and find air
I'm working to feel worth it I'm hurt and its not fair
Cuz I feel like I been searching for purpose thats not there and now I'm scared

And now I'm scared
And I don't like to talk about my feelings cuz the man inside the mirror got some demons
Motherf*cker and I'm scared
And now I'm scared
But I been acting like I'm okay even though deep inside I been lost in my mind
And I'm scared

But I'm alive and well
Well, I'm alive but I'm far from well
So the doctors say I need to focus more on my health
Because I rap to help you but it ain't helping myself
I keep myself pinned down with the words that I spit
Instead of moving past pain I indulge in the shit
Look, you probably thinking its hot
But it caused my anxiety and that shit don't stop
I can't even leave my house so I hide in my room
Cuz everybody in my town talks down on me to
They see me as a f*cking rapper some delusional goon
And judge me based off every lyric not the shit that I do
And it made me pissed
Im bitching but shit its just not fair
Im itching for the figures I figured its right there
The bigger picture I painted is failing to find air
Cuz the genre started changing my brain is just not there and now I'm scared.

And now I'm scared
So I don't leave my room to often man there's to much talk around my name
Motherf*cker now I'm scared
And now I'm scared
I don't do well when I'm lonely but Im always by myself
And maybe thats the reason that I'm scared

For my family and friends that I made
Cuz death is just around the corner that could happen today
And shit I couldn't even fathom what my family would say
If they seen me laying dead in my casket one day
I seen my parents last week, I ain't seen them in months
Shit my mom looked nervous cuz I'm hanging with thugs
And she's scared I'll OD cuz I got into drugs
So before I thought to leave I went and gave her a hug and she latched on
Like she wont see me again
I got a feeling that the reason is the shit that I said
I tell my fans everyday that I wish I was dead
So I can finally be in peace instead of dealing with dread and it made me mad
Im passing the pain to my own fam
I stacked all the odds in my favor to make rap
Now I'm laughing about passing and having a whole gram
Cuz I'm lacking all the passion I had and its so sad and now I'm Scared