Holding on to everything I have
And everything I had
I know just what I did
I no longer insist
This heavy feeling stays cold
In my core for weeks
I cannot feel the floor there
Underneath my feet
I've already wished for the worst
In Spanish and Portuguese
And any other way my words get thrown into the breeze
You really make me want to stay
You wouldn't want it any other way
I'm sorry it ever crossed my mind
My roots are planted by that line
And I never asked for them to be
But as far as I could see
There's an overwhelming fear of me just being me
I still think it's just the best
When you ask me how I've slept
Though you know sure as hell
It's always such a wreck
Not knowing where I am
And reaching for a hand
That is no longer there
All I can do is stare
At the wall that I won't love
At the wall that's always plain
At the wall I will not dress up in my prior pain