Journal Entry #1 Video (MV)

I'm just sitting alone here doing nothing
No one even knows if I have a pulse right now
I doubt anyone would care
But that's a selfish thing to say
Because my family is always there

I just feel this vain lust for public acceptance
But I know the real me hates me for it
I always set myself up to lose
Because I could be their dream
But I lock myself in
The confines of me

I try to blame others for making me this way
But I know it's just really up to me

I f*cked me up in a way
That I can never take back
But now I'm conscious of my self-destructive ways

So goddamn self-conscious
Of everything I say and everything I do
Why did I stay
To write this pain
To feel this in my veins

I'm just sitting alone here doing nothing
No one even knows if I have a pulse right now