Dillon M. - Metal Napkins Lyrics

Behold my brand new invention
It's a cool new doo-dad rife with pretention
Metal straws have some fresh competition
That all the hip millennials will buy in mint condition
It's not a new straw, those are so last week
It's something even better, sharp and sleek
Now that you're sitting consider yourself ready
I'm about to show you the next best thing since spaghetti
Metal napkins, metal napkins
It'll make those tubes look like lousy old has-beens
Metal napkins, metal napkins
Made from aircraft aluminum, as it so happens
Six inches tall and equally as wide
Machine-engineered with pointed sides
These napkins will sell like a Marvel movie
While wiping off the mess that was left by your smoothie
(Hey my mustache is gone) Oh yeah
In a pinch, these things also double as a shaver
Putting these out to market would be reckless behavior
And that's why before you buy you have to sign a waiver
Metal napkins, metal napkins
Disrupting the flow of food sanitation
Metal napkins, metal napkins
Giving metal straws their rightful cancellation
Johnson, it seems like you're the one who's getting canceled
Your napkins are more like a meat cleaver with no handle
They contravene over 65 safety regulations
You don't believe me? Take it up with the United Nations
Pack it up, that's it, you're done, go home
And tell your wife I said shalom
But she's not Jewish, and neither am I
What I am though is a visionary you're just blind
Metal napkins are the future, you'll see
But for now au revoir, adios, arrivederci
Metal napkins, metal napkins
Metal napkins