Don McCollom - I Like You Better Lyrics

I like you better
Than my friend Vetter
Even if you're over the hill
Your so much finer
Cause you got a vagina
And he never ever ever will

If I take him dancing
He's a better fighter
Even though he's heavier than you
You dance better
In your form fit sweater
But your fighting stinks like doggie doo

Oh I like your soft touch
His hands are way too rough
You smell just like flowers
And he smells of jerky and beer and stuff

His farts are louder but yours smell better
And his sock stink like spoiled beef stew
I like his driving the beer makes him stable
But you can't hold your booze

He's got a pickup and you have a Hyundai
Smaller than my derriere
He likes football and pulling at his nut sack
And you like messing with your hair

Oh your chin is hairless
And your teeth are pearly white
He's got wiry whiskers
But his behind is awful tight

I'm not a fruity, I'm just his doctor
I gave him a prostate exam
I got my dick stuck when closing my zipper
In the back seat of your Trans-Am

When we go to dinner you pick at your platter
It really is kind of rude
Them peoples in China would give their Vaginas
To have such wonderful food

Oh I love your beauty
And your melons are so ripe
I just want to get naked
And play my fiddle and listen to you gripe

If I had a dollar for every time you hollered
I'd buy me a Vetter some whores
We'd drink Tequila and eat lots of ice cream
And count and pick at our sores

You're from Venus and I gotta penis
We're different in many kinds of ways
Vetter's always silly but he's gotta willie
And I'm not one bit gay

Oh I love your panties
I wear them every day
I dance in front of the mirror
And slap my ass and say

I'm just a cowboy wearing women's undies
Plucking your banjo all day
I'll douse your fire of redneck desire
Rolling 'round naked in the hay

They call me the Ponderosa baby
And that's lean mean cowboy yeah