Missed Connections Video (MV)

This a song for myself and for the women in my past
To the ones that's not around, and to the few who loved me back
This not for other rappers I've competed with on wax
This is not for casual fans nor the biggest ones at that
These collection of my thoughts, no excuses, only facts
I ain't trying to be forgiven, I'm myself and only that
Now welcome to this session we nearly to the last
Thank you all for the support, play it loud and run it back

Past-behavioral patterns, I ain't trying to justify them
Just provide an explanation for the reasons that's behind them
At first I wasn't riled, my attitude was mild
I guess it all began as a kid without a style
Chubby kid who got attacked because he couldn't run a mile
I had to tolerate these bullies, didn't want to be exiled
Eventually became one, for so long was in denial
And then puberty arrived, became insightful and delightful
Girls would gain appeal, now they're novelty like vinyl
Divine in every single way, I simply can't define it
When you're far from looking handsome, still they chose to like you
[Redacted] was the first, I'm so glad that we collided
I don't think she feels the same, some shit that I've decided
The more we stay astray I now know it's for survival
For sure it's not for mine, my time here isn't vital
To this day I know she hates me and the thought of me is vile
Revisit all her emails on the days I need reminding
I really need a break because the shit is so one-sided
There's so much I want to say but its so pointless to recite it
I been digging me a grave and I'll be happy once inside it
These memories replaying, I been wanting to revive them
My mind has been comprised of, conflicting and misguided
Thoughts of suicide and internalizing bias
You need a change in pace, try a change in your environment
I'm sick of y'all advice, I been there and I tried it
Nobody that's alive that could free me from this mind-state
You know you been deprived when relying on alliance
Others ain't reliable, really they be lying
Just in it for themselves there design was un-providing
I've seen myself in all of y'all, behaviors be aligning

Yuh, yuh, behaviors be aligning, yuh, yuh, yeah

I guess I hate she had a boyfriend, was jealous of his place
I envied that he'd wake up everyday and see her face
You want to talk about a privilege, it's learning who she is
From the tone of shorty voice and on the phone you can't believe
That someone this incredible acknowledging you here
Could talk about whatever, from our interests to our fears
Confessed you wasn't happy, this life it interferes
With all that's in the current, now the future isn't clear
In the moment it's a blur, the guilt won't disappear
You just wish you could enjoy it and you question if it's real
When I really think about it, it was me who was a pain
Was so damn inexperienced, naive, and a disgrace
Codependent and entitled, and toxic in my ways
You was right to point that out, we too depressed, our mental state
Was too damaged and unstable, let our boundaries fall and break
When you alluded to just using me, was glad, I felt the same

Intentional or not, you can hide behind your ways
It's true that we was cowards, I ain't judging you at all
"Puppy love" or "Missed connection" couldn't be more in the wrong
Regardless how you put it, I know one thing that's for sure
You say I didn't matter, these words shouldn't hurt
To the wounds from the past, I know you glad we didn't work