Dr. Jules Cool Blues - Hypochondriac Lyrics

Did someone just sneeze?
Good god - go and wash your hands
Be careful please
How come no one understands?
There are viruses and microbes - floating everywhere
Bacteria and who knows what - on tables and on chairs
It's like living in a combat zone where nature just won't cut you any slack .....
When you're a hypochondriac!

I've got my laser tape measure
To make sure you stay six feet away
I've got my N95 masks
And gallons of disinfectant spray
I spend hours reading the website of the CDC
It looks like this could be the end of all humanity
The world is headin' for a dark place & it seems it's never ever comin' back .....
When you're a hypochondriac!

Every evening on the TV they shower me with ads
For drugs to cure stuff I just know I'm gonna get
And I take supplements and teas and herbs and enemas and such
I'm not ready to surrender my life yet

I check my pulse and respiration with amazing dedication
I log my BP and my glucose thrice a day
I'm so obsessively concerned with every tiny indicator
That my life is slowly slipping away


I've got a hazmat suit on order
It should be here by next week
But there's really nothing wrong with me
So please don't treat me like a freak
I'm just the walking incarnation of high anxiety
And I really wish those microbes would stop targeting me
It's hard take the stress - It's enough to give a man a heart attack ......
When you're a hypochondriac!