Dro Phoenix - Had 2 Find My $elf Lyrics

Somebody picked on as a kid
Forced me to lie and hide about who I was
And all these years that's what I did
Grew up with no father
Yet my disassociation grew larger
Afraid of feeling the pain and loneliness
Distracted myself over and over again
Till I found an escape through pleasure
Tried to give you the benefit of the doubt
Although your mental health issues you explained I previously knew nothing about
Tried to use that as the reason you did what you did
And why from your life you decided to push me out
Never gave me a real explanation besides that I didn't understand you
But how could I when you would rarely communicate
And when you did sometimes you wouldn't remember what would come out of your mouth
Regardless I loved you
Harder than anyone in my past that's why it hurt so much when you moved on so fast
Like what the f*ck did I do to deserve this sort of treatment
When not too long ago we would share how in love we were with each other
And how we knew our relationship would deepen
So many questions I was left with whenever we split
You wanted me to let go of all I had and I had to make the decision quick
I told you I wasn't ready and so you wanted to call it quits
I thought maybe we needed some space to fully process how we can make this work
So tell me how the f*ck did you end up with Javi not even a week later
On this makeshift earth where you cheated on me
Yeah
Now I gotta fake a smile everywhere I go
Pretending I'm okay but really I'm truly devasted wounded deep inside of my soul
Can't escape this never-ending pain
Becoming numb cause the organ that carries my blood you already stole
Tryna make sense of why you moved on so quick
And I'm left with all the memories I hold
Looking for a reason to have faith cause the other side of you I know

I turn basic anomalies to sacred geometry
Ask the baddies who they gave the power to
I turn a dime piece into a ten then a hundred too
I hardly understood so how could I expect to understand you
I had to find my$elf

You grew up very quickly meanwhile I hadn't grown at all
No wonder this chapter went by swiftly no time to have patience with me
Stuck living fake scenarios in my imagination
I was always preaching unity
But steady missing opportunities
When my thoughts and my actions wouldn't align
Anything and everything can always be twisted
Cause there's always two truths depending on the angle and perspective