erawd - myself Lyrics

Never been the type to sit and drown myself in liquor
Looking at these empty bottles, mouth is tasting bitter
Questioning myself, is this the common path of quitters
Sitting with emotions I can never quite deliver

How could I let it go this far
When I know letting go feels so abysmal
Holding on a heartbreak like this shit was blissful
Feeling so fake, smiley face, superficial
I just wanna find
The truth behind my lies
Like why do I shut down when I need to rise
I blame it on the stress I seem to undermine
Waiting till sundown, to think it overnight
Oh my my my, overthinkers delight

Sleepwalk through the day, thoughts relate to dark times
Call me out, I'ma hide when I know that you're right
Scared of leaving my discomfort for another, this is fine, what a lie

Pain's been the bane of my life
Never learn to say I'm not okay, I just hide
Hide it all away, broad day, play it right
Never knowing one day, like today, I'ma find
Many years of desolation, led to desperation
Feeling all the pressure, I see no consolation
Lost in isolation, lost my motivation
Found myself caring way too much about what they said
Like how could they know I never carried conversation
Social anxiety caused by rumination
What's my reputation? I'd rather not know
Struggle with my pride when it comes to ego
Self-sabotage when I feel I need control

And I feel I need control, when I get emotional
I wanna feel what I know, what I know?
A whole lot of pain with a little bit of hope
That's a whole lot of days with a little glimpse of hope

I know I'm told I gots to let go
I'm at my threshold, the past it gets old
It stacks like Legos and that's when hell grows
Let it go, I promise I'm fighting

Can't blame my weakness on kindness
When I spend my weekends on silence
True change begins with me trying
And I'm trying