Eva Marie Shannon - Am I Bad Inside Lyrics

I'm mad for sure
Because it's just not fair
What did I do
Why did I care
If I'd given up caring
I'd probably have died
So I made up some reasons
And to myself deeply lied
I'm fighting my lies
Which makes it hard to believe
That I could or even can trust myself
So why not leave this life
Am I bad inside
Such deep criticism from a parent
It makes me believe
Perhaps It's inherent
I've heard it a lot
Those words that really hurt
So if not true
Then why
Thrown so freely
So curt
Was it betrayal of innocence
Of mind, body, and spirit
Why did my ears
Even open to hear it
I trusted that's why
I didn't know better
But now I sure do
Not to trust
That's my header
I meet everyone
With suspicion and fear
I run and hide
Like a hurt wounded deer
But where can I go
And where can I run
I look down the barrel
I know's set on stun
To leave me quite helpless
I'm bound up in leases
Internal bleeding inside
I'm falling to pieces
I don't own myself
I'm on lease from my abusers
And when I haven't paid up
My body and mind are the losers
I'm crazy I know
'Cause my spirit's confused
I'm all mixed up inside
With confusing messages
I'm infused
Again I can't trust
I don't know what's the truth
I deserved the abuse
Or it was their cruel misuse
The future looks scary
I've suffered my past
I'm afraid, so afraid
That the suffering will last
Communication is raw
And confusing at best
I block out painful words
And filter the rest
Later that night
Blocked words start to haunt
They fill up my mind
My ego they taunt
Maybe they're true
I feel so bad inside
Expressions aimed to kill
And keep us at their will
Locked in hurt and sorrow
Wishing for no tomorrow