Exiled Within - Self-Defeating? Probably Lyrics

(Whispers)
I just keep slipping and sliding into this hole I call home
With nothing and no one to help me find my bearings
Like a sailor on a sinking ship on a calm overcast night
While everything should be right I'm far out of sight
Out of sight of what I think I should be
No, out of sight of what I know I should be
I should be stronger than I am
I should be smarter than I am
I should be able to smile and wipe the guilt-stained blood from my arms
But I'm stuck in this self-situated form of fight and flight
Where fight is against myself so I can only cause more damage
And I can't fly anymore since my wings have been worn from overuse
Why do I tremble with every word I write and I shake with every syllable I say
I am the creator of the sickness
Without wings I run but I can't escape this place
(I can't escape)
These shadows find me in my sleep
(In my sleep)
I will never make it in this life
I will never make it in this life
It's sad that I know what's wrong with me
And its sadder that I know how to fix it
But the saddest part is that I'm more scared of change than I am of suffering or even death
Isn't that a cruel joke on itself
I'd rather die than possibly become healthy
Because I'm too scared that I won't recognize this man's shell that I also reside in
I'm scared that he'll be a worse man than me who's weaker and more afraid
I'm scared that this man will be stronger than me and leave this old me behind
I've been through too much with this current version to just silently watch as it drowns into the abyss that is time
But most of all I'm just scared to live a life where I rely on another's help
Even if that person is me
Even if with them, I survive
I am the creator of the sickness
Without wings I run but I can't escape this place
(I can't escape)
These shadows find me in my sleep
(In my sleep)
I will never make it in this life
I will never make it in this life
(Whispers - January 31st, 2026. You are a burden. You are unwanted. You will never have a reason. You were made to fall apart. You will never be whole)
I pray and I pray
Please take this pain away
So one day we will, be okay
So one day we won't, be so afraid
I don't know how long I can stay the same
I pray and I pray
Please take this pain away
(Take this pain away)
So one day we will, be okay
(Be okay)
So one day we won't, be so afraid
(Be so afraid)
I don't know how long I can stay this way
(I just can't stay this way)
(I just can't stay the same)
(I just can't stay this way)
God you know I'm so afraid of change.
I can't keep lying to myself
(I just can't stay the same)
I need to change
God I know I need to change
(Stay this way)
(Stay the same)