I'll Never Know Video (MV)

I had to spend my younger days sorting out my mom's mistakes
Grew up faster than my skin and bones
I looked up to my father's ghost I always had to fabricate
Surviving in my fantasy alone
All my friends were in my head
I made up fairy tales in bed
To get by I had to be my own escape
There wasn't one good thing to say
Just kept my head below the fray
Until you're grown up here's the way
It's gonna be, kid, every single day
Every single day
Every single day
Is there any hope I'm wanted
Really no surprise I'm haunted by
Not ever having someone just to show me how to shave
Or even how to treat someone I love
It's something I'm terrified of
I wish I had another shot at
Talking to my dad again
It tears me up to read this back
But how the f*ck could white and black
Convey all of the colors that my body showed off years ago
And maybe I said I'd forgive
But I'm still here with heaving ribs
My nights are filled with "but what if"s
And figuring out how to live
My life
How to live my life
How to live my life
As I navigate relationships
I validate through strangers lips
I'm left here wondering what I'm supposed to do
I'm backfilling my childhood days
With every single breath of praise
And accolades that should have come from you
And please don't think I'd sell you out
We do our best with where and how
We're dropped into this world
But I just wish I would have known
I'd be clenching my fists around the throats
Of demons that didn't know existed
Until I wrote these words
I wish you'd taught me how to cope
But I
Can't go back
And I
Can't relax
Until I know
But I guess I'll never know
I'll learn this on my own
Just like I did before
When I was alone