The Groovy Glitch - The Washlet Awakening Lyrics

Had dinner with my girl at the Japanese spot
Ramen was so good but my stomach felt hot
Something didn't sit right I had to go fast
Ran to the restroom hoping this would pass
Sat on the seat but wait what's this
No toilet paper man something's amiss
Looked down in panic saw buttons instead
A washlet from Japan what's up with my head
Pressure's building oh no gotta let it flow
It came out clean man I had to let go
Like a fountain baby it all comes out oh it's comin' out
I'm sayin' hallelujah there's no more doubt
The relief hit hard thought I'd never be free
But now it's cleanup time what's this thing gonna do to me
Hit that button water hit my behind
It was warm like a touch that was gentle and kind
Skeptical at first but it did its thing
No more wiping man this is a king's bling
The washlet sprayed and I felt so clean
A breeze came next like I'd never seen
Dried me off all warm and neat
This Japanese tech man it can't be beat
Pressure's building but now I'm at ease
This washlet's magic brought me to my knees
Like a breeze baby it dries me out oh it's drying out
I'm sayin' hallelujah without a doubt
My dump was glorious the cleanup pure bliss
Man I never knew I needed technology like this
Walked out the stall head held high
Couldn't hide the joy I felt like I could fly
The whole restaurant saw my face wide grin
They knew what happened I let that washlet win
They clapped they cheered they knew the deal
Man you're enlightened how's it feel
Pressure's building but it's all done now
The washlet's got me I'm taking a bow
Like a king baby no TP in sight oh I'm feeling right
I'm sayin' hallelujah this thing's outta sight
No more TP I'm living the dream
Japanese washlet you're my new routine
Now every time I dine in style
I hope the washlet's waiting all the while
No going back can't live without
Japanese washlets man that's what life's about