Guttermouth - Jamies Petting Zoo Lyrics

i've had my pet
since i was nine years old
i loved him and fed him
but one day he attacked
i knew he didn't love me back
so i grabbed him like a football
and punted fifty yards

now i hate pets
take yourself to the vet
now i hate pets
dolphins trapped in little nets
now i hate pets
you little f*cking
screaming shit-bag
i should of let your mother
eat you, little f*cker

so i got a little birdy
and i trained it everyday
he knew 1000 words
but then he flew away
but then i got him back
the f*cker wouldn't shut his trap
so i took him to the bathroom
and rubbed his beak in shit

now i hate pets
spotted owls in their nests
now i hate pets
bagged a deer and made a vest
now i hate pets
birds and bees and bears and bison
pigs and parrots and pandas
i f*cking hate them all!!!

i was walking through the park
when a snake peered from his hole
a perfect opportunity
to take the bastard home
i chopped his f*cking head off
with my handy garden hoe
and made a lovely hat-band
for my redneck cousin bo, heee-haaw!

now i hate pets
10,000 volts to the chest
now i hate pets
fed my cat some cigarettes
now i hate pets
you little f*cking
screaming shit-bag
bastard
f*ck you, you
f*cking pig-shit licker, f*ck!!!!!!