Never had much luck with men named Matt
Last one told me he liked that I didn't have a cat
What kind of f...ing s...head says a thing like that
First time I got drunk I was fingered by a Matt
His nails were too long and after all of that sobering hanky panky, it hurt when I sat
My first crush was a boy named Matt
Pummeling him lovingly with my stuffed cat
I should have known by his whines, that's not where love was at
A rose by any other name, was not a f...ing Matt