Hiding In My Hoodie - Your Champion Lyrics

Take 'em way back, way before I wrote a track
Before the setbacks, anxiety attacks
Relaxing, reading Percy Jackson
Hatching my adventurous mind
Captivated on the edge of a dangerous time
Conspiring inspiring stories
Motivated by the hope they wouldn't bore me
Don't abhor me when I confess I wanted more than what your town bore me
Before I was obsessed with the order of my mind's priorities
I just wanted to be part of something that was bigger than myself
Only feeling like I was always left on the shelf
But it's hard to show and tell while I'm hiding in a shell
Hold an internal broadcast until the spell breaks
Then as I got old
Great things I was told
About the good Lord God whose superpower was love
He had called me to serve so I could rise above
For as long as I can remember
I wanted to taste glory
I saw the dreamy look in your eyes
I believed your great love story
But I got buried beneath the embers
Burned alive, set on fire for Christ
I wanted to be your champion
I wanted to be your champion
I never meant for things to end this way
Too young to agree to the rules of this game
I'm at a loss for words
I never wanted to be a traitor
Fast-forward to a freight train in the fast lane
Racing off the rails, but it's not pain if there's no gain
And the name of the game is reaching outside the frame
Hanging onto nothing, acting like it's not deranged
But everybody else is holding out for something
I tried to be somebody else
Nobody could tell I was bluffing
So I lost all sense of self
Took 'em two and a half years to notice my declining mental health
By then, I was already insane
Hooked on codependence and limerence
Looked for the feel of a sacred bliss
But all I ever did was traumatize a treasured friend
At my wit's end, supernatural bullets in my head
Casings still in my skull
Radiation therapy didn't make me whole
Charred from within, organs black as sin
Shadows of smoke, the ghost of what I could've been
Moses never made it to the Promised Land
Loyalty falters at the wavering patience of a man
Do you understand?
Never show a chosen one what's in your hand
'Cause the moment that they turn
It'll be used against you soon as they can
Do you understand?
I wanted to be your champion
I wanted to be your champion
Torn between two worlds like I'm living as an ocean
A daughter of Poseidon, but the waves keep me uncertain
And why am I always the one making compromises?
Darling, I can't survive like this
Oh, would you despise me for having a sense of self-preservation?
So I made reservations with the general
To fight on the other side of enemy lines in a war that I never signed up for
I never wanted to be a traitor