Hollow River - Weight on Me Lyrics

You want more
I said before
That you can't trust me
I'm a prima donna
It's no nirvana
The reality I see
You want more
I said before
If you think I'll be cured
I'll let you down
Don't you put that weight on me

"Call me anytime- no matter what
When you are down and need someone to talk to I will be there"
Said with so much sincerity I almost believed them
I wish I could be one of the people
Blindly offering my help to those in need
But I don't think I have it in me
Because the other day I saw a homeless man
Walking down Boylston in front of the bookstore screaming
"I'm going to kill myself if someone doesn't talk to me,"
And I pretended my headphones were still playing music
That stopped
Five minutes before
And went into buy a coffee I didn't need or want
Instead of buying the man some bread and giving some time
But time wasn't a thing I had that day
Enough for coffee, not attention
I see a lot of the same homeless people around campus
But I've never seen him again
And I wonder
If I had valued his life
More than my time
Would he still be around
To at least ask me for a dollar

You want more
I said before
That you can't trust me
I'm a prima donna
It's no nirvana
The reality I see
You want more
I said before
If you think I'll be cured
I'll let you down
Don't you put that weight on me

I'm so G-d damn tired of these
G-d damn idiots on
G-d damn Facebook who would rather post
Memes from The Mighty
Than pick up the phone and call one of their friends
Who is actually suffering
And this bullshit post that says
"I would never commit suicide because it just passes on the pain the friends and family,"
Which would be perfectly acceptable except
Ninety percent of the people posting this
Aren't suffering at all
And are just using this post
To make themselves feel better about
Not being there for someone
Or not having the opportunity to be there for someone ever again
How about instead of guilting me
Into accommodating
Your feelings during
My breakdown
Acknowledge the fact that in this persons eyes
They are doing the most selfless thing they can do
It's a lie
Their brain is not working
But in the moment it honestly seems like a good idea and that's the scariest part
The moment feels apart from time
You feel like you are never going to escape
You think is this life now
And even if you can find your way out of this hole
It's only a matter of time till you stumble back into it
And was life outside this hole even like
Was it even so great
What even is happy
I haven't seen sunlight in four days
I'm scrolling through the Mighty articles
Like all the people I hate
Misdiagnosing myself from
Poorly written social commentary
From a sixteen year old
Who has never seen a professional psychiatrist
But is also somehow an internet expert in
High functioning depression or
High functioning bi polar disorder
And I think I'm depressed
But maybe I'm a manic
Because I laughed that one time
It's late
I close my laptop and feel leftover blue light
Seer my retinas that will keep
REM sleep at bay
It's 3 am again
And I've still got so much to say

You want more
I said before
That you can't trust me
I'm a prima donna
It's no nirvana
The reality I see
You want more
I said before
If you think I'll be cured
I'll let you down
Don't you put that weight on me