Holy Kerouac - Oh, Little Bee Lyrics

I wish I had a different body, I wish I had a different brain
I hope they'll still love me despite
Getting drunk in an empty house, puking up trauma and self doubt, and
Seeing jesus on the surfside bridge
Sitting on the roof, trying to drown in the coffee
If I close my eyes, Oh, I swear I hear them singing
"Baby, it's just a part of it, to be so dysfunctional"
I like to think that I am so worthy but why I am loved seems so beyond me
I'm sure it's just narrative, how can I be holy if the words just eat me up
(I'm sure it's the drink and if I can conquere the cravings then it won't eat me up)
Just say that it's enough to try to be better