Horror - A Comforting Displeasure Lyrics

I cry by myself
Not because I'm sad
Or because there's no one around
But because I want to be alone
I want to feel it all
The guilt, the hate, the regret
I deserve everything bad that has ever happened to me
I deserve everything sad that will happen to me

I die by myself
Not because I'm dying
Or because there's no one with me
But because I want to die alone
I want to feel what it was like in the beginning
Before I had any family
Before I had any friends
Before I knew what it was like to want something
Before I knew what it was like to hate

The hopelessness is somehow comforting
Just knowing that none of this matters
And that I can enjoy whatever parts I want
It's all up to me
Because none of it is up to me