Population density around the world; it varies
It varies
And that makes it very tricky to find a lover you will cherish
You will cherish
I spoke to a statistician on the matter
He said, James I'm actually in a meeting can you
Come back in an hour
So I did
And he told me what I'm going to say to you
He's going to say to you
Statistically speaking my one true love lives in China
How will I find her?
Statistically speaking my one true love speaks Chinese
And drinks many teas
And I can't speak Chinese, nor Mandarin nor Cantonese
And to be honest those don't sound like languages
They sound like restaurants
In fact the difference in cultures would mean that I would need
To learn a whole lot more about China
Than a series of cultural stereotypes
Albeit told
In a
Quasi-ironic
Way
It genuinely bears repeating that
In a
Quasi-ironic
Way
What's the point in going out on weekends?
You may as well stay in and lie in bed
'Cos there are 7 billion people in the world
And only 17 of them are in the Old King's Head
I think governments around the world should spend
Their GNP on a big speed-dating event
'Cos I don't believe in destiny
The stars
Or serendipity
They're just ways of dealing
With entropy
But you say, "James, I met my girlfriend in a lido
These things really do happen you just have to wait and see
I say, Yes but you were working in the lido
You added her on Facebook; I think that's creepy
And I'm saying all these things in the Old King's Head
I've had three Staropramens and I wish I was in bed
But is that a group of girls walking in that I see?
I recognise one and she looks at me
She's got bright red hair and Spanish eyes
Dungarees and a disarming smile
I want to talk to her but I've got the fear
Then suddenly I see her coming over here
She says James I like your songs
And I think you're kind of funny
It doesn't bother me
That you've got no money
The world's a crazy place but
It Gets Better
Come with me and we'll be terrified together
So
Just be patient and you will find her
You don't need to go to China
Just be patient and you will find her
You don't need to go to China
Just be patient and you will find her
You don't need to go to China