Jay Ducharme - Everybody's Got Somebody ('Cept the Schlep) Lyrics

Walking down a long and lonely avenue
Staring at the smiles drifting past my view
Wondering to myself why I'm one of the few
Who doesn't have a lover to hold on to
Yesterday's newspaper blowing by my feet
Talks of lots of lovers loving indiscrete
Why then do I find myself one of the elite
Who sits at home alone at night and repeats
Everybody's got somebody 'cept the schlep
Everybody's got somebody 'cept the schlep
Everybody's got somebody 'cept the schlep
And I'm sorry if I'm so inept
A friend once tried to set me up with someone new
He told her I was Sampson and she thought it was true
When we got together she knew what to do
She sat me down and cut my hair and we were through
You see, everybody's got somebody 'cept the schlep
Everybody's got somebody 'cept the schlep
Everybody's got somebody 'cept the schlep
And I'm sorry if I'm so inept
Sad to be
As free as me
The only girls I see
Are trapped in my TV
I call up my old girlfriend and say, "How ya' been?"
She tells me she's been really busy once again
I ask her if she'd like to see me when she can
She tells me that she'd rather be a lesbian
That's why everybody's got somebody 'cept the schlep
Everybody's got somebody 'cept the schlep
Everybody's got somebody 'cept the schlep
And I'm sorry if I'm so unhep