JayteKz - Losing Myself Lyrics

Yeah I lost who I was
Alcohol and the drugs
It was killing my brain, it was deep in my blood
And it weakened my love
I hated myself, I hated my guts
I was stuck in the mud
I was stuck in the rain
My life was a flood
I was hiding a grudge
I was hiding the truth, I was hiding the pain
I was hiding the tears
As if I wasn't hurt but this shit was severe
Wishing I'd disappear
Wishing I wasn't here, wishing I would just die
And get buried alive
I was wondering why
Like why was I born
Why wasn't I warned?
Why wasn't I warned? No
Why wasn't I warned of the troubles ahead?
Of all the tears and blood I'd shed
I had no idea the devil was just around the corner
Waiting to capture me when I least expected it
Why wasn't I warned?
Why wasn't I warned?
Why wasn't I warned of the troubles ahead of me?
Why wasn't I told that love would become my worst enemy?
The older I get, the more that I'm left with painful memories
The colder I get, the more I resent and live regretfully
It doesn't make sense to me, no
It doesn't make sense to me
If there is a god why won't he respond? Is he protecting me?
If there is a god then why would he want to put an end to me?
If there is a god then all that I ask is that he rescues me
Will you rescue me uhh
And then I realized
That my god is within
My god is love
My god is energy
My god is all things in this world
My god doesn't live in the sky
But rather lives within my heart
And he's always been there
I was searching for a love through the drugs and the alcohol and I
Lost me through the simple thought if I
Numb the pain it would heal this heart of mine
But it only made the real me harder to find
Insecurities and hatred all combined
Is a misery that kept me lost in time
I don't even wanna' speak upon it now
Cause that imagery still haunts my mind
So I had to look deep within myself
Cause the problem was I nobody else
I was too damn proud to ask for help
Everyday I was walking on eggshells
I was scared to breakdown or make a crack
So I had to fake smiles and fake the laughs
But inside I was bound to break in half
I was hiding behind a tainted mask
Realized that I had to take it off
Otherwise I would never shake this off
Overtime all the hatred had evolved
Borderline my heart almost dissolved
But I came to my senses just in time
Every breath that we take is so divine
And it's up to ourselves to redefine
What our purpose will serve between the lines
So I took all my pain and agony
All the wounds from my past catastrophes
Took the blood from the blade that pierced my heart
And I painted a precious masterpiece
Cause I know that the darkest tragedies
Make way for the brightest days ahead
And I know that whatever saddens me
Only strengthens my weakness in the end
What doesn't kill you is only proof of your purpose
And it's up to you to find out what your purpose is
But I promise you that you have one
And I promise you that you will find it if you search deep enough
Have faith and just believe
Fornever