Silently Suffering Video (MV)

I'm wondering who I've become and how'd I end up here
It's thundering and I can tell the sun is no where near
I stay up all night, anxiety keeps me awake
While I'm just thinking about mistakes I always seem to make
Think I'm addicted to my suffering
I'm so inflicted with this sickness that's corrupted me
I seek forgiveness deep within because I hate myself
It's either sink or swim inside of this internal hell
F*ck
So many scars I try to cover up
Broke so many hearts, relationships I always f*ck em' up
Lonely in the dark hoping to God the sun is coming up
Only through my art you'll realize that I'm so f*cking numb
These suicidal thoughts are plaguing me with no remorse
Got so much hate in me it's like my heart is tainted and it's torched
Feels like there's no recourse my back is up against the wall
The pain is reinforced with guilt that I cannot absolve
I'm so lost on my own
Everything I ever knew will never be the same
Will I ever see it through or will this never change
I'm forever in pursuit of chasing better days
I'm so lost on my own
Suffering in silence I don't wanna' cry
Wondering if I can find myself deep down inside
Recovering feels so impossible I wanna' die
I'm so lost on my own
Everything I ever knew will never be the same
Will I ever see it through or will this never change
I'm forever in pursuit of chasing better days
I'm so lost on my own
Suffering in silence I don't wanna' cry
Wondering if I can find myself deep down inside
Recovering feels so impossible I wanna' die
Recovering seems so impossible
How can I move forward, I'm my own biggest obstacle
Yeah I know it's probably best I check into a hospital
But I'm scared of being judged for pain that's beyond my control
It's hard to look my family in their eyes
It's hard to smile in their face when I just wanna' die
Please forgive for speaking my truth
I'm sorry for this painful energy that I exude
But I can't hold on, I swear to God I'm losing grip
Promise you it's been so long since I felt that true love exists
How can I be strong when all this hurt continues to persist
If this makes me wrong, f*ck being right cause I can't do this shit
Fighting to survive but I been losing all my strength
I been fighting just to die and I'm surviving with no faith
All these thoughts of suicide slowly takes the pain away
My soul has been crucified while my spirits up in flames, f*ck
I'm so lost on my own
Everything I ever knew will never be the same
Will I ever see it through or will this never change
I'm forever in pursuit of chasing better days
I'm so lost on my own
Suffering in silence I don't wanna' cry
Wondering if I can find myself deep down inside
Recovering feels so impossible I wanna' die
I'm so lost on my own
Everything I ever knew will never be the same
Will I ever see it through or will this never change
I'm forever in pursuit of chasing better days
I'm so lost on my own
Suffering in silence I don't wanna' cry
Wondering if I can find myself deep down inside
Recovering feels so impossible I wanna' die