Jimmy Lienert - The Ballad of Michael Malloy Lyrics

Oh, there once was a drunkard named Michael Malloy
Unemployed, homeless, and no-where to go
At his local bar he made lots of noise
Not paying the money he owed
The owners got sick, of his ludicrous actions
And soon they had a plan
The life insurance, would pay them well
Assuming Malloy was deceased
So they forged a plan, not ones to dwell
And their eagerness increased
Y'see Malloy was an alcoholic
So he drank shot after shot
In an attempt to make him very sick
They gave him unlimited tab credit
He drank more alcohol than any human should
Walked out feeling swell
So antifreeze, turpentine, still feels good
But horse liniment, and rat poison, he is still doing well
The gang gave up on poison
From Malloys gut of steel
Instead they tried to freeze him and run
By pouring water, head to heel
Though that night held a snowstorm, Malloy came back!
Before even the owner could
And the gang got very angry, now their off the track
Or they might've just misunderstood
The policy you see, only covered accidents
But the gang lost sight of that
So our dear group of delinquents
Had to watch their backs
So Malloy was Ran over by a truck
Forty-five miles per hour
Hospitalized just three weeks what luck!
Then still was better than ever!
To the gangs dismay, Malloy just would not die!
So into a room, with a gas pipe array
Into his mouth, with quite a supply
And finally he passed away
So the owners were charged with first degree murder
And from the grave Malloy laughed
Because the gang was executed for the crime
Yet they had no second chance
So next time you think of the best human to exist
Remember it will always be Malloy