[ Featuring the Velcro Effect ]
'Come on Lionel, join the band' he said
'Even though you look like the Milky Bar kid
'There's only one thing that stands in your way
'We're playing "Pretty Vacant" at the gig in May'
This is his chance to play electric
Since his parents haven't changed from yards to metric
But playing "Pretty Vacant" is quite a tall order
How the hell did they make it over the border?
Lionel joins the band
Lionel joins the band
Lionel joins the band
And plays a gig at the school
The day of the gig was finally here
Lionel's dad gave them a lift with the gear
Now's a good time to mention Lionel's Salad amp
That we think he bought for a quid from an old tramp
The speaker was f*cked, and the electrics were fried
It smelt like something had crawled inside and died
They tied the amp to the roof and I don't mean to be unkind
But if it had fallen off and smashed, no one would mind
Lionel joins the band
Lionel joins the band
Lionel joins the band
And plays a gig at the school
Lionel joins the band
Lionel joins the band
Lionel joins the band
And plays a gig at the school
He looked out over his glasses
And said 'We're not ready for this
'We don't even know "Pretty Vacant yet'
I said 'Are you taking the piss?'
His playing was f*cking atrocious
And he gave everybody's ears cramp
Which is why on the night of the band's first gig
Persons unknown sabotaged Lionel's amp
Lionel joins the band
Lionel joins the band
Lionel joins the band
And plays a gig at the school
When the band convened for their next practice
Mustang told him 'We've all had enough
'The band are pissed off you've not learnt the songs
'And your playing is absolute guff'
Lionel joins the band
Lionel joins the band
Lionel joins the band
And plays a gig at the school
