[ Featuring the Velcro Effect ]
It was in the 1480s
That the family was strong
And 1480 was the year Lionel's
Great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother was born
One day in 1520
She began to see strange things
That witch saw visions of the future
One day the family would be kings
She saw centuries of suffering
Most people would wind up dead
With the sky rolled up like parchment
And the seas began to boil
Like lead
A dark rider on a pale horse spoke
He said the family would understand
How to unleash war, famine and pestilence
To rampage across the land
And through her nightmare visions
One thing remained constant
The family would be rulers
If they could play "Pretty Vacant"
And in the 1980s
Lionel understood the prophecy too well
He began learning "Pretty Vacant" on guitar
So he could send us all to hell
The family band learned something that
Lionel himself could never see
"Pretty Vacant" is an easy song to play
But Lionel couldn't play for toffee
So now the story's at a close
The prophecy was thwarted
And Lionel's brothers (Including his dad)
Wish the Milky Bar Kid had been aborted
