At the party making moves like I'm in the paint
Yeah I'm Jack Daniels with the handles let's celebrate
She whisper in my ear, let's go to your place
Lightin' candles on the mantle romantic date
Hahaha
Nah but it's mutual I shoot straight
We just making out on the couch, it's gettin' too
Late
I'm lowkey grabbing the cooch, lickin' the boobys
Obvious she tryna f*ck, but I ain't no sleuth bae
I ain't have a clue
Still stuck off the juice
Just enjoying the moment thinkin' I'm that dude
I'm the f*ckin king, bitch I am awesome
I can get whatever the f*ck I want like Saddam
Hussein, who saying I ain't?
Then all the sudden she back off, I'm like hey what's the wait?
She say
You got a condom?
Uhhhh
F*ck
Yeah, one minute lemme grab one
So I'm goin' searching, shuffling through the drawers
Thinkin' bout getting all up in her drawers
And I'm seeing how drunk I really am, for sure
I'm like damn, might just end up falling right on the floor, shit
Finally found one and get back to the couch, she laid out
I'm steady thinkin' I'm f*ckin her brains out
Treat her to the finest meats at Ruth's Chris steak house
But I take a peak and see that I'm soft as a piece of brie cheese
Jesus
Whiskey dick
(That's unfortunate, that's very unfortunate)
Oh no
(I might cry)
I'm very sad now
I was about to f*ck bush like the dixie chicks
But I got hit with the whiskey dick
Whiskey Dick
(I really got hit with the whiskey dick)
Feelin like 80 year old
Longingly staring down the labia hole
She crying I'm like baby I know
Well I guess just shove it in maybe I'll grow
Oh No
I guess the legends are true I shoulda paid closer attention
As to my intake of alcohol I've learned a valuable lesson
It can be taken too far and in this case I was stretching
It was some shit goin' on I was stressing
Existential questions in my head some things I need to accept
And I'm having trouble remembering all my blessings
So then I'm sitting there with a 10 on top of me she just finished undressin'
I gotta tell her sorry b it's ain't erecting
Damn
That's some shit
Worst shit was she was like
It happens all the time it's really ok
I'm like bitch what the f*ck you really just say
It ain't a matter of who what when where
Captain gave the order but the crew won't set sail
That's too deep
I'm very sad now
Whiskey dick
God damn