MELLA - Post-Nut Clarity Lyrics

I may just let it get worse
Mocking bitter wounds, in a hollow room
A breathing meme distracting from reality
How many "Cs" does that word need?
...with two "Cs"
I should've asked for a name before I agreed
I just can't unsee the words that left your body
An abstract technicality, emotional fatality
My boredom warped your soul
Mistaking circumstance for love
A marriage of convenience
Losing sleep over sleep not lost
It's always better for me when a loved one pays my cost
Right here, with you, we discover what I am
After the nut, I'm sitting in a rut
Forced to remember people I could've sworn that I forgot
Where am I?
And who are you?
And what in the world did I just do?
Maybe I should find another way to cope
Maybe I should lie and say that this lump in my throat
That it isn't because of the groping and prodding
Elated that fingers are hugging your larynx
Recreational decay with victims that beg me to stay
I know that you aren't the one who will undo my trauma
Meaningless and hollow
People shouldn't be borrowed
But it helps me forget
My selfish decisions, they help repel my past
Why is it, when I lie, an angel dies?
No more connections for me
No more people for me
I just can't unhear you
Soundwaves into action
My vocal cords defeat me again
Upside-down grins scream how I've been