Mommy Pants - Christmas Wrap Lyrics

Santa Clause fat muthaf*cker has to have cookies and milk
And a pretty red suit made of silk
I don't wanna sit on his lap
My balls and butt why would he want to feel that
He sneaks into houses somehow with permission
So well trusted that he's not molesting some children
I keep my eyes wide open in my room at night
I can hear his foot steps I'm ready to fight
But he never walks in on me I guess he knows better
But he does not know best all I get is a sweater
Thank God it's not a f*cking sweater vest
I think next year I'll still kick his ass
Cause every year I've written him a list
But he always brings some different shit
This is what I get for sitting on your lap
Even though I said I did not wanna f*cking do that
I can't help that my momma made me
Despite that I am now age 23
She said you must get Santa pics at the mall
With your family... ahh f*ck it all
Part of me hates this season
But happy birthday to my man Jesus

Ho ho ho, I'm a ho ho ho pedo
Ho ho ho, I'm a ho ho ho pedo
Ho ho ho, I'm a ho ho ho pedo
Ho ho ho, I'm a ho ho ho pedo