When we were kids mom bought us a guinea pig
Our sister let it play on her bed
She also let it snap its neck on the floor
We did not have that guinea pig anymore
But we got a new one she was prego
So along came more fun too much of it though
She eventually gave birth
But we kept them all in the same cage for too long
And they did not have church
One little guy raped his mommy
She bit off his ear and savaged his neck
I looked at my mommy and said what the heck
I will also never forget
How much our mom was upset
She held that motherf*cker in her hand
Praying he would stay alive
Poor little man
When he died we sold the rest of his crew
We did away with guineas for a year or two
Then one day mom surprised us with another one
And this time it was actually fun
He would lie next to my little brother on the floor
Every Sunday that they watched Nascar
Then one day we thought he snuck out of the house
But he was just stuck between the seats of the couch
Our daddy just had to sit down
You should have heard that awful sound
A very loud squeal and bones crushin'
What could be more real than blood all over our cushion