2004 Video (MV)

I think I was lost since the day I was born
Back in the days of 2004
Back when life wasn't so hard and
Back before all the pain started
The days before my heart was shattered
The days where I felt like I actually mattered
Back before my life would reach a whole new chapter
And I really miss all the smiles and laughter
Life still goes on and I wonder where did I go wrong
I put all of my pain in these songs
Maybe it's because I'm lost in the motions
Or maybe it's because I feel like I don't belong
Either way I'm still stuck in this rut
Thinking maybe I'll never be good enough
I got this feeling in my gut
That life won't stop and get even more tuff
I'm trusting god cause right now he's the only hope that I got
Haven't gone through much but I've gone through a lot
Feels like my heart was killed on the spot
There's so many people have gone through pain in themselves
God gave me a vision that maybe I can help
So I make medicine by writing music about myself and the difficult stories that I tell

I don't know where I'm going
Living in pain that I couldn't notice
Waking up every day feeling so hopeless
Trying to get through it but it feels pointless
I mean what am I fighting for
I don't even know who I am anymore
I don't even know if these people care anymore
What would they do if they found my body on the floor

I wonder if that little me would like who he grew up to be
I wonder if he's looking up at me asking if this is really me

I miss who I was cause this isn't me
I'm suffocating I just really wanna breathe
I'm begging god to please come rescue me
Cause I'm dying down here where's the relief

I walk into school
I say I'm ok but is that really true
I'm suffering from war inside my own mind and nobody has a clue
I don't even know what to say
I want to escape but I choose to stay
I'm in a dark place but they think I'm okay because they see the fake smile I put on every day

See I grew up in a good home not a lot of people can say that
But even tho I grew up in a good family they didn't understand me and I didn't really feel at home
My depression always attacks and satan doesn't leave me alone
God keeps telling me hat I need to let go but how do I let's this all go
I have all these people who care
But even when they're there
I still feel so alone

I got all these problems and I know it
But I'm too afraid to show it
And I try to hold it back but I'm flooded with emotions
I wish this was all just a bad dream
But truth is this will never change and I know it
I like keeping the pain to myself but sometimes I wonder how'd they react if they noticed
How could I say I'd fix myself if I don't even know who I am or where I'm going

I ask myself will I ever see the day
The day where my smile isn't fake
The day where I won't wake up this way

I'm tired of being me
I wish I was the man that I strive to be
I know there's a way but it's hard to see
I stay up at night asking What has this crazy world done to me

I'm trying to find who I really am
This wasn't supposed to be my plan
And there's a lot of things that I just can't understand
I can only do so much I'm just a man

This world has a bitter taste
I know I don't belong in this place
I need to meet my pain face to face
I hope one day I can truly say I'm ok