Narrarator:
Legend has it that it was written by the Dark Ones.
Necronomicon Ex-Mortis.
Roughly Translated
Book of the Dead.
The book served as a passage way,
to the evil worlds beyond.
It was written long ago
when the seas ran red with blood,
It was this blood that was used to ink the book.
In the year 1300 AD,
The book dissapeared.
Evil Dead Musical Soundtrack Album Lyrics
Evil Dead Musical Soundtrack Lyrics
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Book of the Dead
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Cabin in the Woods
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Stupid B****
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Housewares Employee
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Evil Trees
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - It Wont Let Us Leave
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Look Whos Evil Now
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - What the F**k Was That?
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Join Us
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Good Old Reliable Jake (Intro)
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Good Old Reliable Jake
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Housewares Employee (Reprise)
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Death is a B****
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Im Not A Killer
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Evil Puns
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Bit Part Demon
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Good..Bad..Im the Guy with the Gun
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - All the Men in My Life
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Ode to an Accidental Stabbing
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Boomstick
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Do the Necronomicon
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Its Time
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - We Will Never Die
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - S-Mart
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Blew That Bitch Away
- Evil Dead: The Musical Cast - Groovy
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Cabin in the Woods
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
Ash, Linda, Scott, Shelly, Cheryl:
We're all jammed in the car
And we're going really far
Driving deep into the trees
With hot dogs, chips and cheese
To make the week go quicker
We've packed a ton of liquor
Rya and Tropicana
We'll go totally bananas!
Spring break vacation is just
bling bling
'Cause something in this musky air
makes us want to sing
Cabin in the woods (oooh)
A cabin in the woods (yeah)
We're five college students on
our way to an old abandoned cabin
in the woods (oooh yeah)
Ash:
All my friends are here
For the best spring break of the year
Away from school and S-Mart
A week way off the charts
Linda:
A holiday with Ash
All that I'd ever ask
He's so cute and thin
And that's why
I love him
Scott:
This will be just like camp
But with a slutty tramp
In a few hours you will see me
Doing the nasty in a tree
Shelly:
Scott's looking to get busy
But fresh air makes me dizzy
I'm so his perfect girl
Oh, look, there goes a squirrel!
Cheryl:
A week up in the woods of
pure tranquility
A chance for me to rest in a
nice facility
I came up to this cabin to read
and sleep and bake
Scott:
Hope our headboard rattlin' don't
keep your prude ass awake!
All:
Cabin in the woods (oooh)
A cabin in the woods (yeah)
We're five college students on
our way to an old abandoned cabin
in the woods (oooh yeah)
Ash:
This trip will be wacky fun
Linda:
Seven days to snuggle my honey bun
Shelly:
A week of drinking
Scott:
And premarital sex
Cheryl:
And tonight I'll make some snacks out
of Hershey bars and Chex!
All:
Listen to us now and make no mistake
We're gonna have fun 'cause it's
spring break
We'll pour, we'll score, we'll fall flat
on the floor
We'll do all this and a whole lot more
-in our
Cabin in the woods (oooh)
Cabin in the woods (yeah)
We're five college
students on our
way to an old
abandoned cabin
in the woods
Yeah(yeah)
We're five college
students on our way
to an old abandoned
cabin in the woods
Cabin in the woods
Cabin in the woods
We're five college students on
our way to an old abandoned...
Cabin in the woods
We're all jammed in the car
And we're going really far
Driving deep into the trees
With hot dogs, chips and cheese
To make the week go quicker
We've packed a ton of liquor
Rya and Tropicana
We'll go totally bananas!
Spring break vacation is just
bling bling
'Cause something in this musky air
makes us want to sing
Cabin in the woods (oooh)
A cabin in the woods (yeah)
We're five college students on
our way to an old abandoned cabin
in the woods (oooh yeah)
Ash:
All my friends are here
For the best spring break of the year
Away from school and S-Mart
A week way off the charts
Linda:
A holiday with Ash
All that I'd ever ask
He's so cute and thin
And that's why
I love him
Scott:
This will be just like camp
But with a slutty tramp
In a few hours you will see me
Doing the nasty in a tree
Shelly:
Scott's looking to get busy
But fresh air makes me dizzy
I'm so his perfect girl
Oh, look, there goes a squirrel!
Cheryl:
A week up in the woods of
pure tranquility
A chance for me to rest in a
nice facility
I came up to this cabin to read
and sleep and bake
Scott:
Hope our headboard rattlin' don't
keep your prude ass awake!
All:
Cabin in the woods (oooh)
A cabin in the woods (yeah)
We're five college students on
our way to an old abandoned cabin
in the woods (oooh yeah)
Ash:
This trip will be wacky fun
Linda:
Seven days to snuggle my honey bun
Shelly:
A week of drinking
Scott:
And premarital sex
Cheryl:
And tonight I'll make some snacks out
of Hershey bars and Chex!
All:
Listen to us now and make no mistake
We're gonna have fun 'cause it's
spring break
We'll pour, we'll score, we'll fall flat
on the floor
We'll do all this and a whole lot more
-in our
Cabin in the woods (oooh)
Cabin in the woods (yeah)
We're five college
students on our
way to an old
abandoned cabin
in the woods
Yeah(yeah)
We're five college
students on our way
to an old abandoned
cabin in the woods
Cabin in the woods
Cabin in the woods
We're five college students on
our way to an old abandoned...
Cabin in the woods
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Stupid B****
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
CHERYL. I don't like sellers. Let's just close it up.
It's probably just an animal.
SCOTT. An animal. An animal. Hahahaha.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, Jesus Christ, what a stupid bitch.
CHERYL. Well, then maybe it was the wind.
SCOTT. The wind? We are inside.
I tough was you said before was stupid but now that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
What a stupid bitch!
It's probably just an animal.
SCOTT. An animal. An animal. Hahahaha.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, Jesus Christ, what a stupid bitch.
CHERYL. Well, then maybe it was the wind.
SCOTT. The wind? We are inside.
I tough was you said before was stupid but now that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
What a stupid bitch!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Housewares Employee
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
Ash:
Little did I know that day
When I dropped off my resume
At the local S-Mart store
That another employee I'd fall for
Linda:
My job was in the checkout aisle
S-Mart service with a smile
I hated work, it was a bore
But all that changed when you walked
through the door
Ash:
I was assigned to Aisle three
Linda:
And that is where you fell for me
Ash:
A love so strong it had to be
Linda:
Perfect retail
Ash & Linda:
Harmony
I have to ask a question to god's above
How were we deemed worthy of this
perfect love?
I'll ask the trees, I'll ask the sky
I'll ask the whole wide world
Ash:
How did a Housewares Employee land the perfect girl?
Linda:
How did the perfect girl land a Housewares Employee?
I could barely focus on my checkout line
You're polyester shirt always on my mind
Fantasies took over me
I'd forget to scan items and give 'em for free
Ash:
How could I concentrate on Housewares?
Who cares about blenders when you're right there?
Our roles reversed, there is no doubt
'Cause i was the one who was checking you out
Linda:
I had a major crush on you
Ash:
When i was near you my love grew
Linda:
Finding love at work, it must have been fate
Ash:
It's better than meeting on ElimiDATE
Ash & Linda:
I have to ask a question to the god's above
How were we deemed worthy of this perfect love?
I'll ask the trees, I'll ask the sky
I'll ask the whole wide world
Ash:
How did a Housewares Employee land the perfect girl?
Linda:
How did the perfect girl land a Housewares Employee?
Ash:
Stocking the shelves
Was all I thought
would be
But finding my true love
at S-Mart
That makes this job so groovy
Linda:
I have to ask a question...
Ash & Linda:
...To the god's above
How were we deemed worthy of this perfect love?
I'll ask the trees, I'll ask the sky
I'll ask the whole wide world
Ash:
How did a Housewares Employee land the perfect girl?
Linda:
How did the perfect girl land a...
Ash & Linda:
Housewares Employee?
Little did I know that day
When I dropped off my resume
At the local S-Mart store
That another employee I'd fall for
Linda:
My job was in the checkout aisle
S-Mart service with a smile
I hated work, it was a bore
But all that changed when you walked
through the door
Ash:
I was assigned to Aisle three
Linda:
And that is where you fell for me
Ash:
A love so strong it had to be
Linda:
Perfect retail
Ash & Linda:
Harmony
I have to ask a question to god's above
How were we deemed worthy of this
perfect love?
I'll ask the trees, I'll ask the sky
I'll ask the whole wide world
Ash:
How did a Housewares Employee land the perfect girl?
Linda:
How did the perfect girl land a Housewares Employee?
I could barely focus on my checkout line
You're polyester shirt always on my mind
Fantasies took over me
I'd forget to scan items and give 'em for free
Ash:
How could I concentrate on Housewares?
Who cares about blenders when you're right there?
Our roles reversed, there is no doubt
'Cause i was the one who was checking you out
Linda:
I had a major crush on you
Ash:
When i was near you my love grew
Linda:
Finding love at work, it must have been fate
Ash:
It's better than meeting on ElimiDATE
Ash & Linda:
I have to ask a question to the god's above
How were we deemed worthy of this perfect love?
I'll ask the trees, I'll ask the sky
I'll ask the whole wide world
Ash:
How did a Housewares Employee land the perfect girl?
Linda:
How did the perfect girl land a Housewares Employee?
Ash:
Stocking the shelves
Was all I thought
would be
But finding my true love
at S-Mart
That makes this job so groovy
Linda:
I have to ask a question...
Ash & Linda:
...To the god's above
How were we deemed worthy of this perfect love?
I'll ask the trees, I'll ask the sky
I'll ask the whole wide world
Ash:
How did a Housewares Employee land the perfect girl?
Linda:
How did the perfect girl land a...
Ash & Linda:
Housewares Employee?
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Evil Trees
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
TREES:
Join us...
Join us...
CHERYL:
Hello...?
TREES:
Join us...
Join us...
CHERYL:
Now, mother always said, that whever you hear a strange,
Frightening, and patentally life threatening chant coming from the dark woods..
That there's only one thing you can do...
Not wake the others and go investigate it alone
Hello?
Is there anybody out here?
All I see are these trees...
TREES:
Join us
CHERYL:
Hello?
TREES:
Join us!
CHERYL:
I heard you! I heard you before!
TREES:
Join Us!
CHERYL:
I know someone is out here!
TREES:
JOIN US!
CHERYL:
*scream*
TREES:
Join us
Join us
Join us
Join us
*Repeats until end of song*
CHERYL: *Over the Trees*
No, please, no, God...
No...
That's so inappropriate!
No, please, God, no!
Aaahhh
*she cries*
*she screams*
Join us...
Join us...
CHERYL:
Hello...?
TREES:
Join us...
Join us...
CHERYL:
Now, mother always said, that whever you hear a strange,
Frightening, and patentally life threatening chant coming from the dark woods..
That there's only one thing you can do...
Not wake the others and go investigate it alone
Hello?
Is there anybody out here?
All I see are these trees...
TREES:
Join us
CHERYL:
Hello?
TREES:
Join us!
CHERYL:
I heard you! I heard you before!
TREES:
Join Us!
CHERYL:
I know someone is out here!
TREES:
JOIN US!
CHERYL:
*scream*
TREES:
Join us
Join us
Join us
Join us
*Repeats until end of song*
CHERYL: *Over the Trees*
No, please, no, God...
No...
That's so inappropriate!
No, please, God, no!
Aaahhh
*she cries*
*she screams*
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
It Wont Let Us Leave
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
CHERYL
Can't you see?
Why won't you believe?
It won't let us leave
It won't let us leave
Listen to me
Why do your eyes deceive?
Finally believe
It won't let us leave
It won't let us leave
Can't you see?
Why won't you believe?
It won't let us leave
It won't let us leave
Listen to me
Why do your eyes deceive?
Finally believe
It won't let us leave
It won't let us leave
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Look Whos Evil Now
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
Cheryl:
Why have you disturbed our sleep?
Awakened us from our ancient slumber?
You will die! Nightmare is before you
Like others before you, you're gonna
tumble
One by one
We're gonna take you
One by one
Nothing you can do
One by one
You'll surely fall
One by one
We're gonna kill you all
Now I'll ask you a question, not where
or why or how
But WHO?
Look who's evil now
Whooaaaaaaaaa!!! Sock it to me, baby!
Look who's evil
Look who's evil
Look who's evil now
I said, look who's evil
Look who's evil
Look who's evil now
I heard you suckers mocking me and
calling me a prude
Let's see if you're still laughing when i rip out your Fallopian tubes
I'll twist your fun bags
I'll beat your brown eye blue
Then I'll smash your sack and make
a testicle fondue
Just try and f*ck with me
I'll show you where your grave is
If being evil's cool
Consider me Miles Davis
Now I'll ask you a question, not where
or why or how
But WHO?
Look who's evil now
(Talking)
Now I told you all earlier I would take
you all out one by one, and I'm not one to make false promises,
So kids, let's kick it!
(Singing)
First Ash
I'll whoop your ass
And Scott
I'll bust your nuts
Shelly
I'll slash your belly
And Linda
I'll stick a pencil in ya!
Linda(Talking):
My ankle! I can't walk.
Ash(Talking):
Take her to the bedroom and
make sure she's okay
Cheryl:
You can't stop me
You cna't stop me
You can't stop me now
I say, you can't stop me
You can't stop me
You can't stop me now
(Talking)
Who's the stupid bitch now, Scotty?
Who's the stupid bitch now?
Shelly(talking):
Look who's evil now!!
Scott(talking):
Not Shelly too!
Shelly:
Oh my God, like, look at me and my
evil demon bod
Now watch me stick this high heel
straight up your love rod
I'll tear your body into shreds and beat you with his balls
Then I'll swallow up your soul
without gagging at all
I'm sexy, I'm cute
and so evil to boot
I'd kill you with these guns, but I don't think they shoot
Now I'll ask you a question
Cheryl:
Sing it!
Shelly:
Not where or why or how
But WHO?
Look who's evil now
Scott(talking):
Dude, grab the f*cking gun! Shoot her!
Shoot it!
Ash(talking):
I can't shoot Shelly. She's a friend of ours
Scott(talking):
Goddamnit Ash, I picked up that
skank drunk in a bar three days ago...
[Ash shoots Shelly]
Why have you disturbed our sleep?
Awakened us from our ancient slumber?
You will die! Nightmare is before you
Like others before you, you're gonna
tumble
One by one
We're gonna take you
One by one
Nothing you can do
One by one
You'll surely fall
One by one
We're gonna kill you all
Now I'll ask you a question, not where
or why or how
But WHO?
Look who's evil now
Whooaaaaaaaaa!!! Sock it to me, baby!
Look who's evil
Look who's evil
Look who's evil now
I said, look who's evil
Look who's evil
Look who's evil now
I heard you suckers mocking me and
calling me a prude
Let's see if you're still laughing when i rip out your Fallopian tubes
I'll twist your fun bags
I'll beat your brown eye blue
Then I'll smash your sack and make
a testicle fondue
Just try and f*ck with me
I'll show you where your grave is
If being evil's cool
Consider me Miles Davis
Now I'll ask you a question, not where
or why or how
But WHO?
Look who's evil now
(Talking)
Now I told you all earlier I would take
you all out one by one, and I'm not one to make false promises,
So kids, let's kick it!
(Singing)
First Ash
I'll whoop your ass
And Scott
I'll bust your nuts
Shelly
I'll slash your belly
And Linda
I'll stick a pencil in ya!
Linda(Talking):
My ankle! I can't walk.
Ash(Talking):
Take her to the bedroom and
make sure she's okay
Cheryl:
You can't stop me
You cna't stop me
You can't stop me now
I say, you can't stop me
You can't stop me
You can't stop me now
(Talking)
Who's the stupid bitch now, Scotty?
Who's the stupid bitch now?
Shelly(talking):
Look who's evil now!!
Scott(talking):
Not Shelly too!
Shelly:
Oh my God, like, look at me and my
evil demon bod
Now watch me stick this high heel
straight up your love rod
I'll tear your body into shreds and beat you with his balls
Then I'll swallow up your soul
without gagging at all
I'm sexy, I'm cute
and so evil to boot
I'd kill you with these guns, but I don't think they shoot
Now I'll ask you a question
Cheryl:
Sing it!
Shelly:
Not where or why or how
But WHO?
Look who's evil now
Scott(talking):
Dude, grab the f*cking gun! Shoot her!
Shoot it!
Ash(talking):
I can't shoot Shelly. She's a friend of ours
Scott(talking):
Goddamnit Ash, I picked up that
skank drunk in a bar three days ago...
[Ash shoots Shelly]
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
What the F**k Was That?
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
SCOTT:
Your sister just turned into a zombie
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
ASH:
Your girlfriend was a demon too
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
SCOTT:
She just ripped my pre-ripped Abercrombie
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
ASH:
I just got some Shelly on my shoe
ASH AND SCOTT:
What darkness lurks beyond this wooden sanctum?
What the f*ck was that?
SCOTT:
Dude, these hoes been zombified!
I cannot stay here anymore
I'm getting out of here!
ASH:
No! We cannot leave, Linda's ankle won't make it, I fear
SCOTT:
I cannot stay, I killed my lay! I must go now!
ASH:
You can't go!
SCOTT:
I must!
ASH:
You can't!
SCOTT:
I must!
ASH:
You can't!!
SCOTT:
Bitches out for blood! I can't take this anymore!
ASH: (SCOTT:
We don't even know
If there's a way back
Except for that
Damn broken (Gotta go!!)
Footbridge! (Right now!)
(I'll find a road
(where I'll flag down a van
Just listen to me (No, I won't!)
Linda can't walk (It's time to go!)
Cannot hike
Can't even stand
(Then we'll leave her
(That's our brand-new
Plan!! (Plan!!
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
SCOTT:
Now I'll put an end to this vacation
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
ASH:
Scott, don't leave me all alone
ASH AND SCOTT:
Necronomicon
The Book of the Dead
ASH:
The chant
SCOTT:
A curse
ASH:
The chicks
SCOTT:
I'm gone!
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
It's the Evil Dead!
What the f*ck was that?
SCOTT:
Your sister just turned into a zombie
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
ASH:
Your girlfriend was a demon too
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
SCOTT:
She just ripped my pre-ripped Abercrombie
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
ASH:
I just got some Shelly on my shoe
ASH AND SCOTT:
What darkness lurks beyond this wooden sanctum?
What the f*ck was that?
SCOTT:
Dude, these hoes been zombified!
I cannot stay here anymore
I'm getting out of here!
ASH:
No! We cannot leave, Linda's ankle won't make it, I fear
SCOTT:
I cannot stay, I killed my lay! I must go now!
ASH:
You can't go!
SCOTT:
I must!
ASH:
You can't!
SCOTT:
I must!
ASH:
You can't!!
SCOTT:
Bitches out for blood! I can't take this anymore!
ASH: (SCOTT:
We don't even know
If there's a way back
Except for that
Damn broken (Gotta go!!)
Footbridge! (Right now!)
(I'll find a road
(where I'll flag down a van
Just listen to me (No, I won't!)
Linda can't walk (It's time to go!)
Cannot hike
Can't even stand
(Then we'll leave her
(That's our brand-new
Plan!! (Plan!!
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
SCOTT:
Now I'll put an end to this vacation
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
ASH:
Scott, don't leave me all alone
ASH AND SCOTT:
Necronomicon
The Book of the Dead
ASH:
The chant
SCOTT:
A curse
ASH:
The chicks
SCOTT:
I'm gone!
ASH AND SCOTT:
What the f*ck was that?
It's the Evil Dead!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Join Us
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
Cheryl:
Why don't you just accept your fate and join us Ashly? Join us!
Don't you wanna join the crew? You'll be dead and evil too.
The coolest thing to do is join us.
Your life sucks you know, working S-Mart's gotta blow.
Don't be just a f*cking shmo! And join us!
You'll be dead with no remorse and be hung like a horse.
You can even bang a corpse if you join us!
Just imagine all the fun if to evil you succumb, so just lay down that big gun...
And join our dark army of evil Candarian demons...
As we conquer this land and take over each and every soul of the living...
Ash:
Ah! Ah! No, I'm not going to join you, never!
Cheryl:
Whats the problem Ash? You don't want to look beautiful, like me?
Ash:
Please! I'd rather look like his moose. Ah!
Moose:
Why thank you!
Ash:
Ah! The dead moose!
Moose:
Actually, I'm an Candarian demon moose.
And I'm here to tell you all about the fun and excitement you'll experience if you
take us up on our offer and join us!
Can't you see we'll have a scream? Evil's funner than it seems!
You'll play on our softball team if you join us!
Other demons:
Join us!
Moose:
We'll all have a ball, organize a big pop call and spend Sundays at the mall if you join us!
Other demons:
Join us!
Cheryl:
You can speak our evil slang even grow some evil fangs,
you'll score some evil tang if you join us!
Moose:
Being evil is divine, you'll be dead but so refined! Party like its '99...
If you join our evil forces as we enslave all man kind...
chew on their tiny brains and bathe in their hot boiling blood....
Ash:
Ah! Ah! All of you shut up! Especially you, Moose! Shut up!
Cheryl and Moose:
You can try and take a stand, but we have got your hand!
Ash:
What are you talking about?
Cheryl and Moose:
Its not quite what we planned, but now we've got your hand!
Ash:
Why do you keep saying that?
Cheryl and Moose:
We've got your hand! Yes its true, we've got your hand!
Yes, we finally got your hand to join us!
Ash:
Whats that? You got my hand to join you? Oh yeah?
No you don't! Why do you keep saying that you got my hand to join ya, huh?
Why do you keep saying that? AHH!
Cheryl:
We've got your hand! We've got your hand!
Ash:
Oh you bastards! You dirty bastards!
Give me back my hand! Give me back my hand!
(chain saw)
Whose laughing now, hey? Whose laughing now! (screaming)
Why don't you just accept your fate and join us Ashly? Join us!
Don't you wanna join the crew? You'll be dead and evil too.
The coolest thing to do is join us.
Your life sucks you know, working S-Mart's gotta blow.
Don't be just a f*cking shmo! And join us!
You'll be dead with no remorse and be hung like a horse.
You can even bang a corpse if you join us!
Just imagine all the fun if to evil you succumb, so just lay down that big gun...
And join our dark army of evil Candarian demons...
As we conquer this land and take over each and every soul of the living...
Ash:
Ah! Ah! No, I'm not going to join you, never!
Cheryl:
Whats the problem Ash? You don't want to look beautiful, like me?
Ash:
Please! I'd rather look like his moose. Ah!
Moose:
Why thank you!
Ash:
Ah! The dead moose!
Moose:
Actually, I'm an Candarian demon moose.
And I'm here to tell you all about the fun and excitement you'll experience if you
take us up on our offer and join us!
Can't you see we'll have a scream? Evil's funner than it seems!
You'll play on our softball team if you join us!
Other demons:
Join us!
Moose:
We'll all have a ball, organize a big pop call and spend Sundays at the mall if you join us!
Other demons:
Join us!
Cheryl:
You can speak our evil slang even grow some evil fangs,
you'll score some evil tang if you join us!
Moose:
Being evil is divine, you'll be dead but so refined! Party like its '99...
If you join our evil forces as we enslave all man kind...
chew on their tiny brains and bathe in their hot boiling blood....
Ash:
Ah! Ah! All of you shut up! Especially you, Moose! Shut up!
Cheryl and Moose:
You can try and take a stand, but we have got your hand!
Ash:
What are you talking about?
Cheryl and Moose:
Its not quite what we planned, but now we've got your hand!
Ash:
Why do you keep saying that?
Cheryl and Moose:
We've got your hand! Yes its true, we've got your hand!
Yes, we finally got your hand to join us!
Ash:
Whats that? You got my hand to join you? Oh yeah?
No you don't! Why do you keep saying that you got my hand to join ya, huh?
Why do you keep saying that? AHH!
Cheryl:
We've got your hand! We've got your hand!
Ash:
Oh you bastards! You dirty bastards!
Give me back my hand! Give me back my hand!
(chain saw)
Whose laughing now, hey? Whose laughing now! (screaming)
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Good Old Reliable Jake (Intro)
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
Annie,
You`re right, Ed. How do we even know this guy is reliable?
Jake,
Reliable? Why you no good, dirty rotten, v-neck wearin?, son of a gun.
With your flappin? lips and pompous ass attitude! How do you know if I`m reliable?
You`re right, Ed. How do we even know this guy is reliable?
Jake,
Reliable? Why you no good, dirty rotten, v-neck wearin?, son of a gun.
With your flappin? lips and pompous ass attitude! How do you know if I`m reliable?
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Good Old Reliable Jake
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
JAKE:
Who's the world's most reliable human being
Who's the one folks call for help with everything
Who's the one man you can count on when your life is at stake
It's good old reliable Jake
Who can help you when you've lost your keys
Or when you need double bypass surgery
Who can be your partner in the two-man luge
And can sneak a dead hooker out your hotel room
Who's every senior citizen's favourite mime
And who can pass Courvoisier like Busta Rhymes
Who was the inspiration for the Shamrock Shake
It's good old reliable Jake
Who invented the formula for Krazy Glue
And who nailed all the chicks on The View
Who was the last man to walk on the moon
And who won the fourth Oscar for directing Platoon
Who's the point guard for the Memphis Grizzles
And who coined the phrase "fo' shizzle my nizzle"
It was me, can't you see? I ain't no fake
I'm good old reliable Jake
Do you believe I can get you down the path?
ANNIE:
I believe!
JAKE:
Do you believe I can get you to the cabin?
ANNIE:
I believe!
JAKE:
If you need a guy to get you through them woods
And I knows that trail and I knows it good
You can trust in me, there's no mistake
I'm good old reliable Jake
You can trust in me, there's no mistake
I'm good old reliable Jake
Who's the world's most reliable human being
Who's the one folks call for help with everything
Who's the one man you can count on when your life is at stake
It's good old reliable Jake
Who can help you when you've lost your keys
Or when you need double bypass surgery
Who can be your partner in the two-man luge
And can sneak a dead hooker out your hotel room
Who's every senior citizen's favourite mime
And who can pass Courvoisier like Busta Rhymes
Who was the inspiration for the Shamrock Shake
It's good old reliable Jake
Who invented the formula for Krazy Glue
And who nailed all the chicks on The View
Who was the last man to walk on the moon
And who won the fourth Oscar for directing Platoon
Who's the point guard for the Memphis Grizzles
And who coined the phrase "fo' shizzle my nizzle"
It was me, can't you see? I ain't no fake
I'm good old reliable Jake
Do you believe I can get you down the path?
ANNIE:
I believe!
JAKE:
Do you believe I can get you to the cabin?
ANNIE:
I believe!
JAKE:
If you need a guy to get you through them woods
And I knows that trail and I knows it good
You can trust in me, there's no mistake
I'm good old reliable Jake
You can trust in me, there's no mistake
I'm good old reliable Jake
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Housewares Employee (Reprise)
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
Linda,
Look who`s evil now!
Scott,
Ash! Kill her! She`s f*ckin' evil!
Cheryl,
Kill her if you can, lover boy!
Ash,
Oh, forgive me Linda. I guess I gotta go what I gotta do`
Linda,
Oh, oh please don`t Ash` I`m fine now.
LINDA
I have to ask a question to the gods above
ASH,
How can this be real?
LINDA,
How were we deemed worthy of this perfect love. I'll ask the trees I`ll ask the sky
I`ll ask the whole wide world
ASH *Over Linda*
A love so true and pure
A love to last for sure
LINDA
How did a Housewares employee land the perfect girl
BOTH,
How did the perfect girl land a Housewares employee?
Look who`s evil now!
Scott,
Ash! Kill her! She`s f*ckin' evil!
Cheryl,
Kill her if you can, lover boy!
Ash,
Oh, forgive me Linda. I guess I gotta go what I gotta do`
Linda,
Oh, oh please don`t Ash` I`m fine now.
LINDA
I have to ask a question to the gods above
ASH,
How can this be real?
LINDA,
How were we deemed worthy of this perfect love. I'll ask the trees I`ll ask the sky
I`ll ask the whole wide world
ASH *Over Linda*
A love so true and pure
A love to last for sure
LINDA
How did a Housewares employee land the perfect girl
BOTH,
How did the perfect girl land a Housewares employee?
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Im Not A Killer
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
ASH
Now it's time to die, you old hag!
LINDA
You found me beautiful once.
ASH
Honey, you got real ugly.
I'm not a killer,
I'm an S-Mart employee.
And to kill a coworker
Is against company policy.
But you tried to kill me,
So now I must say goodbye.
I'm sorry Linda,
But now you must die!
Die, die
Die, die
Die, die
Die, die
Die, die
Die, die
Oh die
Oh die
ANNIE
Daddy, I'm home!
ASH
Uh, this isn't as bad as it looks!
Now it's time to die, you old hag!
LINDA
You found me beautiful once.
ASH
Honey, you got real ugly.
I'm not a killer,
I'm an S-Mart employee.
And to kill a coworker
Is against company policy.
But you tried to kill me,
So now I must say goodbye.
I'm sorry Linda,
But now you must die!
Die, die
Die, die
Die, die
Die, die
Die, die
Die, die
Oh die
Oh die
ANNIE
Daddy, I'm home!
ASH
Uh, this isn't as bad as it looks!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Evil Puns
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
Evil Cheryl: I'll get you Ash. I'm like a literal Hulk Hogan. I'll get you brother.
Ash: Shut up.
Evil Cheryl: We're like that Columbia House ten CD's for a penny club. Sooner or later you'll join us.
Ash: Shut up.
Evil Cheryl: I'm like Dom Deluise at an all you can eat fish house.
Ash: (moans)
Evil Cheryl: I'll swallow your sole.
Ash: God, shut up.
Evil Cheryl: It'll be like you were killed by some guy whose first name happens to be Dawn and you'll be dead by Dawn.
Ash: That is it!
Ash: Shut up.
Evil Cheryl: We're like that Columbia House ten CD's for a penny club. Sooner or later you'll join us.
Ash: Shut up.
Evil Cheryl: I'm like Dom Deluise at an all you can eat fish house.
Ash: (moans)
Evil Cheryl: I'll swallow your sole.
Ash: God, shut up.
Evil Cheryl: It'll be like you were killed by some guy whose first name happens to be Dawn and you'll be dead by Dawn.
Ash: That is it!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Bit Part Demon
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
Ed:
I'm that guy you see in every horror flick.
You may not remember me, I come and go too quick.
You wouldn't know my name, I hardly ever speak a line.
If the hero kills a hundred demons, I'd be the forgettable number
thirty nine.
'Cuz I'm a bit part demon, a small time misfit.
I'd say you'd be dead by dawn but I don't really mean it.
I'm a threat to no one, the other deadites make fun...
Cheryl:
YOU SUCK!
Ed:
Of me. Evil Eddie. Oh The bit part demon.
Annie:
But don't you see Ed? We've been listening to you talk for the past two minutes.
You've said a whole lot just now. Just you!
Aw, you're not a bit part demon anymore. You're a lead player. A star!
Ed:
You're right! Now I see that this trend has been disrupted.
I've said more than five words without being interrupted! I'm a
bit part no more! My character's at a swing!
And now its time for this demon to sing, sing sing! Ahhhh....(gunshot) oh!
Ash:
Now you'll have a bit part; in hell.
I'm that guy you see in every horror flick.
You may not remember me, I come and go too quick.
You wouldn't know my name, I hardly ever speak a line.
If the hero kills a hundred demons, I'd be the forgettable number
thirty nine.
'Cuz I'm a bit part demon, a small time misfit.
I'd say you'd be dead by dawn but I don't really mean it.
I'm a threat to no one, the other deadites make fun...
Cheryl:
YOU SUCK!
Ed:
Of me. Evil Eddie. Oh The bit part demon.
Annie:
But don't you see Ed? We've been listening to you talk for the past two minutes.
You've said a whole lot just now. Just you!
Aw, you're not a bit part demon anymore. You're a lead player. A star!
Ed:
You're right! Now I see that this trend has been disrupted.
I've said more than five words without being interrupted! I'm a
bit part no more! My character's at a swing!
And now its time for this demon to sing, sing sing! Ahhhh....(gunshot) oh!
Ash:
Now you'll have a bit part; in hell.
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Good..Bad..Im the Guy with the Gun
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
Ash: Listen Baby, I'm not some preppy boy-toy monkey boy you can just push around, see. I killed that guy already.
Annie: How can you be so heartless, so bad?
Ash: Good...bad...I'm the guy with the gun.
Annie: I still don't know what you're even doing here in this cabin.
Ash: I can ask you the same question.
Annie: It's my family's cabin.
Ash: Did I...ask?
Annie: Are all men from Michigan such loud mouthed braggarts?
Ash: Nope, just me baby, just me.
Annie: How can you be so heartless, so bad?
Ash: Good...bad...I'm the guy with the gun.
Annie: I still don't know what you're even doing here in this cabin.
Ash: I can ask you the same question.
Annie: It's my family's cabin.
Ash: Did I...ask?
Annie: Are all men from Michigan such loud mouthed braggarts?
Ash: Nope, just me baby, just me.
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
All the Men in My Life
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
ANNIE
All the men in my life keep getting killed by Candarian demons
ASH
All the men in your life keep getting killed by Candarian demons?
ANNIE
First there was Ed, a really nice guy.
Didn't talk too much, but I didn't mind.
I was all set to marry him
But before we could consummate, Ed was killed by
A Candarian demon.
GUYS
Candarian demon, Candarian demon, Candarian demon
ANNIE
Then it was daddy
GUYS
Daddy
ANNIE
Who I could count on.
GUYS
Ahh-ooh.
ANNIE
He loved to read the Necronomicon.
GUYS
Book of the dead
ANNIE
He also enjoyed
GUYS
Ahh-ooh.
ANNIE
Playing board games.
GUYS
Good, family fun!
ANNIE
But he can't sink my battleship now
Cuz dad was killed by
A Candarian demon
GUYS
Candarian demon, Candarian demon, Candarian demon
ANNIE
They say love is cruel, and I believe them.
My heart's always broken
Cuz the men in my life keep getting killed by Candarian demons!
Why?
SCOTT
I don't know!
ASH
Annie, baby, I know it seems bad now -- it always does. But I think you're exaggerating just a touch, sugar bee. I mean,
sure, your father and fiancee were killed by Candarian demons, but that's only two men, isn't it? I mean, there's no way
that all of the men in your life could have been killed by Candarian demons!
ANNIE
Oh no?
It was high school.
GUYS:
High school
ANNIE
Senior prom.
GUYS
Oh, yeah!
ANNIE
Going with my steady, Howie Brom.
GUYS
Howie Brom!
ANNIE
A perfect night
GUYS
Howie Brom?
ANNIE
Like I always dreamed
GUYS
A little girl's dream!
ANNIE
But when Stairway to Heaven began
Howe was killed by
GUYS
Damn!
ANNIE
A Candarian Demon
Guys:
Candarian demon, Candarian demon, Candarian demon
ANNIE
All my college boyfriends and my one night stands
My male co-workers and platonic gay friends
GUYS
Hey!
ANNIE
Every date I go on ends in demon bloodshed
And now that I've met you two guys, I know you'll soon be dead!
GUYS
What the f...
ANNIE
They say love is cruel
GUYS
Shoop, shoo, wah!
ANNIE
And I believe them
GUYS
Shoop, shoo, wah!
ANNIE
My heart's always broken
GUYS
Oh, oh, oh
ANNIE
Cuz the men in my life -- and I mean all the men in my life
Every single man in my life
Keeps getting killed
By Candarian demons!
ASH
Candarian demons
Scott
Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh!
All the men in my life keep getting killed by Candarian demons
ASH
All the men in your life keep getting killed by Candarian demons?
ANNIE
First there was Ed, a really nice guy.
Didn't talk too much, but I didn't mind.
I was all set to marry him
But before we could consummate, Ed was killed by
A Candarian demon.
GUYS
Candarian demon, Candarian demon, Candarian demon
ANNIE
Then it was daddy
GUYS
Daddy
ANNIE
Who I could count on.
GUYS
Ahh-ooh.
ANNIE
He loved to read the Necronomicon.
GUYS
Book of the dead
ANNIE
He also enjoyed
GUYS
Ahh-ooh.
ANNIE
Playing board games.
GUYS
Good, family fun!
ANNIE
But he can't sink my battleship now
Cuz dad was killed by
A Candarian demon
GUYS
Candarian demon, Candarian demon, Candarian demon
ANNIE
They say love is cruel, and I believe them.
My heart's always broken
Cuz the men in my life keep getting killed by Candarian demons!
Why?
SCOTT
I don't know!
ASH
Annie, baby, I know it seems bad now -- it always does. But I think you're exaggerating just a touch, sugar bee. I mean,
sure, your father and fiancee were killed by Candarian demons, but that's only two men, isn't it? I mean, there's no way
that all of the men in your life could have been killed by Candarian demons!
ANNIE
Oh no?
It was high school.
GUYS:
High school
ANNIE
Senior prom.
GUYS
Oh, yeah!
ANNIE
Going with my steady, Howie Brom.
GUYS
Howie Brom!
ANNIE
A perfect night
GUYS
Howie Brom?
ANNIE
Like I always dreamed
GUYS
A little girl's dream!
ANNIE
But when Stairway to Heaven began
Howe was killed by
GUYS
Damn!
ANNIE
A Candarian Demon
Guys:
Candarian demon, Candarian demon, Candarian demon
ANNIE
All my college boyfriends and my one night stands
My male co-workers and platonic gay friends
GUYS
Hey!
ANNIE
Every date I go on ends in demon bloodshed
And now that I've met you two guys, I know you'll soon be dead!
GUYS
What the f...
ANNIE
They say love is cruel
GUYS
Shoop, shoo, wah!
ANNIE
And I believe them
GUYS
Shoop, shoo, wah!
ANNIE
My heart's always broken
GUYS
Oh, oh, oh
ANNIE
Cuz the men in my life -- and I mean all the men in my life
Every single man in my life
Keeps getting killed
By Candarian demons!
ASH
Candarian demons
Scott
Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Ode to an Accidental Stabbing
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
JAKE:
Goddamn you woman! You f*cking stabbed me!
Goddamn you woman! Do I look like a f*cking zombie?
Annie:
It was a mistake! What can I do to prove I am sorry?
Jake:
Well, in the future I'd appreciate it if you could not f*cking stab me!
Goddamn you woman.
Annie:
I didn't mean to hurt you.
Jake:
You really got me pissed!
Annie:
Or make you bleed.
Jake:
Goddamn you woman.
Annie:
I'll make you feel better.
Jake:
This hurts like a son of a bitch!
Annie:
Would you like some Pepcid AC?
Jake:
Woman look what you've done! I'm bleeding all over the f*cking room!
Annie:
Then take this cloth and apply pressure to your wound.
Jake:
Bitch, get me somewhere safe! That thing's still out there in them trees.
Annie:
No one can hurt you here!
Cheryl:
No one but me! Come on, fatty!
Jake:
Goddamn you woman!
Goddamn you woman! You f*cking stabbed me!
Goddamn you woman! Do I look like a f*cking zombie?
Annie:
It was a mistake! What can I do to prove I am sorry?
Jake:
Well, in the future I'd appreciate it if you could not f*cking stab me!
Goddamn you woman.
Annie:
I didn't mean to hurt you.
Jake:
You really got me pissed!
Annie:
Or make you bleed.
Jake:
Goddamn you woman.
Annie:
I'll make you feel better.
Jake:
This hurts like a son of a bitch!
Annie:
Would you like some Pepcid AC?
Jake:
Woman look what you've done! I'm bleeding all over the f*cking room!
Annie:
Then take this cloth and apply pressure to your wound.
Jake:
Bitch, get me somewhere safe! That thing's still out there in them trees.
Annie:
No one can hurt you here!
Cheryl:
No one but me! Come on, fatty!
Jake:
Goddamn you woman!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Boomstick
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
Ash,
Cheryl, I'm really getting tired of you trying to kill me! You see this?
This is my boomstick! It's a 12 gage, double barreled, Remmington,
S-Mart's top of the line!
You can find this in the sporting goods department!
That's right, this sweet baby was made right here in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Retails about a hundred and nine, ninety-five.
It's got a walnut stolk, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger.
That's right. "Shop smart! Shop S-Mart"! Ya' got that?
Cheryl,
I'll swallow your soul!
Ash,
Swallow this!
*He shoots*
Cheryl, I'm really getting tired of you trying to kill me! You see this?
This is my boomstick! It's a 12 gage, double barreled, Remmington,
S-Mart's top of the line!
You can find this in the sporting goods department!
That's right, this sweet baby was made right here in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Retails about a hundred and nine, ninety-five.
It's got a walnut stolk, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger.
That's right. "Shop smart! Shop S-Mart"! Ya' got that?
Cheryl,
I'll swallow your soul!
Ash,
Swallow this!
*He shoots*
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Do the Necronomicon
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
(Sung)
Now we honor the Necronomicon
Now we honor the Necronomicon
Now we honor the Necronomicon
Now we honor the Necronomicon
SCOTT
Now we honor the Necronomicon with our
very own special dance
(Spoken)
ASH
How the hell do demons do their very own special dance?
(Sung)
SCOTT
In hell we dance our own special way
Let's show 'em how we dance while our bodies decay
LINDA
Do we bounce like Backstreet?
SCOTT
Not without a heartbeat
JAKE
Do we grind like Michael Bivins?
SCOTT
Bell Biv DeVoe be for the living
CHERYL
Do we whoomp like Tag Team?
SCOTT
Not without a bloodstream
ED
Let's Macarena like that group did
SCOTT
No, that's just stupid
DEADITES
Deadites always like to get their freak on
And when we get together
we do the Necronomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Come on, come on and
do the Necronomicon
SCOTT
You gotta follow the moves right to the letter
It's just like the Time Warp
DEADITES
What?
SCOTT
Only better
DEADITES
First we jump
Then we sink down
Then we get back up
And lasso all around
Then we spin
Clap our hands
And take a brief moment
To acknowledge the band
Do the robot
And the sprinkler
And finish it off with
Our best Henry Winkler (aay)
Deadites always like to get their freak on
And when we get together
we do the Neconomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Come on, come on and do the
Necronomicon
LINDA
Can we kill these suckas yet?
SCOTT
Just wait a little bit
JAKE
Can we beat 'em with a shoe?
SCOTT
Not 'til we're done the tune
CHERYL
Can we mutilate these fools?
SCOTT
No, follow the rules
ED
I say we attack
SCOTT
What are you on, crack?
After our dance we'll attack our old friends
But before we do that let's Necronomicon again
DEADITES
First we jump
Then we sink down
Then we get back up
And lasso all around
Then we spin
Clap our hands
And take a brief moment
To acknowledge the band
Do the robot
And the sprinkler
And finish it off with
our best Henry Winkler (aay)
Deadites always like to get their freak on
And when we get together
we do the Neconomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Now we honor the Necronomicon
Now we honor the Necronomicon
Now we honor the Necronomicon
Now we honor the Necronomicon
SCOTT
Now we honor the Necronomicon with our
very own special dance
(Spoken)
ASH
How the hell do demons do their very own special dance?
(Sung)
SCOTT
In hell we dance our own special way
Let's show 'em how we dance while our bodies decay
LINDA
Do we bounce like Backstreet?
SCOTT
Not without a heartbeat
JAKE
Do we grind like Michael Bivins?
SCOTT
Bell Biv DeVoe be for the living
CHERYL
Do we whoomp like Tag Team?
SCOTT
Not without a bloodstream
ED
Let's Macarena like that group did
SCOTT
No, that's just stupid
DEADITES
Deadites always like to get their freak on
And when we get together
we do the Necronomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Come on, come on and
do the Necronomicon
SCOTT
You gotta follow the moves right to the letter
It's just like the Time Warp
DEADITES
What?
SCOTT
Only better
DEADITES
First we jump
Then we sink down
Then we get back up
And lasso all around
Then we spin
Clap our hands
And take a brief moment
To acknowledge the band
Do the robot
And the sprinkler
And finish it off with
Our best Henry Winkler (aay)
Deadites always like to get their freak on
And when we get together
we do the Neconomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Come on, come on and do the
Necronomicon
LINDA
Can we kill these suckas yet?
SCOTT
Just wait a little bit
JAKE
Can we beat 'em with a shoe?
SCOTT
Not 'til we're done the tune
CHERYL
Can we mutilate these fools?
SCOTT
No, follow the rules
ED
I say we attack
SCOTT
What are you on, crack?
After our dance we'll attack our old friends
But before we do that let's Necronomicon again
DEADITES
First we jump
Then we sink down
Then we get back up
And lasso all around
Then we spin
Clap our hands
And take a brief moment
To acknowledge the band
Do the robot
And the sprinkler
And finish it off with
our best Henry Winkler (aay)
Deadites always like to get their freak on
And when we get together
we do the Neconomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Do the Necronomicon
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Its Time
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
ASH
It's time
To fulfill my purpose
In life
We are born with a destiny
It's time
To except my calling
To go
On a ravenous killing spree
It's time to finally take a stand
Fight with my stump and my good hand
Stop talking trash
And kick some demon ass
It is time
UNNAMED CANDARIAN DEMON
Oh, it's time, Ash, but not for what you think.
CANDARIAN DEMONS
It's time for you
Ash to die
It's time for us
Zombies to rise
It's time for you
To say goodbye
It's time for
Oh it's time
Ooo ooo ooo
ASH
It's time
Time to hurt demon feelings
Inside
These here walls there can be only one
It's time* (Candarian demons join in)
To increase demon bleeding
Tonight
You will die by the saw or the gun
Time
To harass
Time
To whoop some ass
Time to kill
Demons, a mass
Oh it's time
CANDARIAN DEMONS*
Time to fight
Time to brawl
Time to kill
Time to maul
Kick you swear
In the balls
It's time to-oo rip you to ta-atters
Time to-oo make your blood splatter
Through the shed
Join the evil dead
It is time
ASH
You know that I'm right
I'm not dying tonight
It's a holiday
When I'm in despair
I adjust my hair
And make evil pay
At the edge of the night
There's not a Deadite
I can't handle
CANDARIAN DEMONS
Handle
ASH
When danger calls
You must have the balls
Of an ox or a bear or any large mammal
CANDARIAN DEMONS
Any large mammal
Yeah!
It's time for you
CANDARIAN DEMONS / ASH
Ash to die / Is that so
CANDARIAN DEMONS
It's time for us
CANDARIAN DEMONS / ASH
Zombies to rise / I sing no-o
CANDARIAN DEMONS
It's time for you
CANDARIAN DEMONS /
To say goodbye / Alright let's go-o
CANDARIAN DEMONS
It's time for
Oh
ALL
It's time
It's time
To fulfill my purpose
In life
We are born with a destiny
It's time
To except my calling
To go
On a ravenous killing spree
It's time to finally take a stand
Fight with my stump and my good hand
Stop talking trash
And kick some demon ass
It is time
UNNAMED CANDARIAN DEMON
Oh, it's time, Ash, but not for what you think.
CANDARIAN DEMONS
It's time for you
Ash to die
It's time for us
Zombies to rise
It's time for you
To say goodbye
It's time for
Oh it's time
Ooo ooo ooo
ASH
It's time
Time to hurt demon feelings
Inside
These here walls there can be only one
It's time* (Candarian demons join in)
To increase demon bleeding
Tonight
You will die by the saw or the gun
Time
To harass
Time
To whoop some ass
Time to kill
Demons, a mass
Oh it's time
CANDARIAN DEMONS*
Time to fight
Time to brawl
Time to kill
Time to maul
Kick you swear
In the balls
It's time to-oo rip you to ta-atters
Time to-oo make your blood splatter
Through the shed
Join the evil dead
It is time
ASH
You know that I'm right
I'm not dying tonight
It's a holiday
When I'm in despair
I adjust my hair
And make evil pay
At the edge of the night
There's not a Deadite
I can't handle
CANDARIAN DEMONS
Handle
ASH
When danger calls
You must have the balls
Of an ox or a bear or any large mammal
CANDARIAN DEMONS
Any large mammal
Yeah!
It's time for you
CANDARIAN DEMONS / ASH
Ash to die / Is that so
CANDARIAN DEMONS
It's time for us
CANDARIAN DEMONS / ASH
Zombies to rise / I sing no-o
CANDARIAN DEMONS
It's time for you
CANDARIAN DEMONS /
To say goodbye / Alright let's go-o
CANDARIAN DEMONS
It's time for
Oh
ALL
It's time
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
We Will Never Die
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
ASH
What? What?! No! No, it can't be! You're coming back to life. No.
I killed you. I killed you all! You're dead!
CANDARIAN DEMONS
You must realize
We will never die
We're already dead
We've died twice before
But we're back for more
You can't stop the dead
You can't kill the kill
And you can't pass on the pass
Now we'll take that chainsaw
And we'll shove it up your-
ANNIE
Ash!
What? What?! No! No, it can't be! You're coming back to life. No.
I killed you. I killed you all! You're dead!
CANDARIAN DEMONS
You must realize
We will never die
We're already dead
We've died twice before
But we're back for more
You can't stop the dead
You can't kill the kill
And you can't pass on the pass
Now we'll take that chainsaw
And we'll shove it up your-
ANNIE
Ash!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
S-Mart
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
- ...And that, loyal S-Mart customers, is how I saved all of mankind.
- ...Look who's evil now!
- Lady! I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.
- Who the hell are you?
- Name's Ash. Housewares!
- I'll swallow your soul!
- Come get some!!!
- ...Look who's evil now!
- Lady! I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.
- Who the hell are you?
- Name's Ash. Housewares!
- I'll swallow your soul!
- Come get some!!!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Blew That Bitch Away
by Evil Dead: The Musical Cast
ASH
"So, do you screw-heads believe I can save you from Candarian demons now?"
MALE #1
Well we thought you were f*cking with us
MALE #2
We thought you were a lying prick
MALE #3
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
FEMALE #1
All that jive about you killing demons
MALE #3
It just sounded like, uh, bullshit
MALE #1
But apparently you weren't talking smack
FEMALE #2
Cause we saw that evil chi-ick
FEMALE #3
She was going to eat us!
MALE #2
Ax us up and then beat us (?)
MALE #1
'Til you shot her in the tits
MALE #2
That's right you saved us
CUSTOMERS
You saved our li-ives
FEMALE #3
You saved me and my baby and these kids tonight
CUSTOMERS
You saved us all
MALE #2
You're the baddest motherf*cker in this whole strip mall
CUSTOMERS
We thought you were a phony
On some anti-(?)
But now we see that you're a hero
And you saved the day
Because you blew that bitch away
MALE CUSTOMERS
Ash!
ASH
Well I told you I could kill these demons
And none of you believed me
CUSTOMERS
No, no, no. Yeah!
ASH
That's why you're merely customers
While I'm the S-Mart employee
CUSTOMERS
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah!
ASH
Cause I'll kill what looks even slightly evil
Who knows who the next victim will be?
CUSTOMERS
Not me!
ASH
Cause I shoot
CUSTOMERS
Shoot!
ASH
And kill
CUSTOMERS
Kill!
ASH
And saw
CUSTOMERS
Until!
ASH
We need a clean up on aisle three
CUSTOMERS
You are the ma-an
ASH
I bitch slap evil with my one good hand
CUSTOMERS
You're our hero
ASH
I shit down Deadites like they owe me dough
CUSTOMERS
Ooo-ooo
ASH
I saw that demon try to ruin your shopping day
CUSTOMERS
Shopping day
ASH
So I grabbed my twelve gage and I blew her away
CUSTOMERS
Blew that bitch away
MALE #3 / OTHER CUSTOMERS
That's right you blew / Blew that bitch away
Blew that bitch away-ay / Blew that bitch away
You blew her through speed a rite (?) / Blew that bitch away
You blew her like I draw team (?)
CUSTOMERS
Blew that bitch away
MOST CUSTOMERS
We used to hate you and your lyin' ways
REST OF CUSTOMERS
Lyin' way-ays
MOST CUSTOMERS
But now we changed our minds and see
ALL CUSTOMERS
You're okay
Because you blew that bitch away-ay
Blew that bitch away!
Yeah!
"So, do you screw-heads believe I can save you from Candarian demons now?"
MALE #1
Well we thought you were f*cking with us
MALE #2
We thought you were a lying prick
MALE #3
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
FEMALE #1
All that jive about you killing demons
MALE #3
It just sounded like, uh, bullshit
MALE #1
But apparently you weren't talking smack
FEMALE #2
Cause we saw that evil chi-ick
FEMALE #3
She was going to eat us!
MALE #2
Ax us up and then beat us (?)
MALE #1
'Til you shot her in the tits
MALE #2
That's right you saved us
CUSTOMERS
You saved our li-ives
FEMALE #3
You saved me and my baby and these kids tonight
CUSTOMERS
You saved us all
MALE #2
You're the baddest motherf*cker in this whole strip mall
CUSTOMERS
We thought you were a phony
On some anti-(?)
But now we see that you're a hero
And you saved the day
Because you blew that bitch away
MALE CUSTOMERS
Ash!
ASH
Well I told you I could kill these demons
And none of you believed me
CUSTOMERS
No, no, no. Yeah!
ASH
That's why you're merely customers
While I'm the S-Mart employee
CUSTOMERS
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah!
ASH
Cause I'll kill what looks even slightly evil
Who knows who the next victim will be?
CUSTOMERS
Not me!
ASH
Cause I shoot
CUSTOMERS
Shoot!
ASH
And kill
CUSTOMERS
Kill!
ASH
And saw
CUSTOMERS
Until!
ASH
We need a clean up on aisle three
CUSTOMERS
You are the ma-an
ASH
I bitch slap evil with my one good hand
CUSTOMERS
You're our hero
ASH
I shit down Deadites like they owe me dough
CUSTOMERS
Ooo-ooo
ASH
I saw that demon try to ruin your shopping day
CUSTOMERS
Shopping day
ASH
So I grabbed my twelve gage and I blew her away
CUSTOMERS
Blew that bitch away
MALE #3 / OTHER CUSTOMERS
That's right you blew / Blew that bitch away
Blew that bitch away-ay / Blew that bitch away
You blew her through speed a rite (?) / Blew that bitch away
You blew her like I draw team (?)
CUSTOMERS
Blew that bitch away
MOST CUSTOMERS
We used to hate you and your lyin' ways
REST OF CUSTOMERS
Lyin' way-ays
MOST CUSTOMERS
But now we changed our minds and see
ALL CUSTOMERS
You're okay
Because you blew that bitch away-ay
Blew that bitch away!
Yeah!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Evil Dead The Musical is a rock musical stage play based on the Evil Dead franchise. First performed on stage in 2003 at the Tranzac club in Toronto, Ontario, the show instantly became a hit and eventually moved on to an off-Broadway run in 2006 at the New World Stages.
Many regional productions of the show have been performed all over the world. Critics praised the show and one critic for The New York Times even hailed the musical as "the next The Rocky Horror Show".
-Wikipedia
Genre(s):
Soundtrack, Musical Many regional productions of the show have been performed all over the world. Critics praised the show and one critic for The New York Times even hailed the musical as "the next The Rocky Horror Show".
-Wikipedia
Year: 2003