Nate Strider - Death Is Just a Call Away Lyrics

I was raised in California in the middle of a desert
In a house that was smaller than a classroom
When I was eleven I never thought
That I would've been alive at eighteen
Due to my sadness
So many times I'd scream "f*ck my life"
And cut myself
While crying inside of my bathroom
But even with a mind like this I've learned to be happy
So don't you dare try to tell me there's something I can't do
I wish there was a way
To know you're in the good ole days
Before they've passed you
Before they've passed you
I wish to God I could go back in time
And tell myself
"Ahead is a bumpy ride
So hold on tight
But don't forget to enjoy the ride"
And now I hold this mic
Inside these lyrics are my whole life
Wish I didn't spend my whole life
Hoping to die
Wish I could've tried
To appreciate being alive
And I wonder what's the meaning
Cuz I'm always overthinking
Until I'm sick of feeling feelings
If I got an issue then I'm thinking
Of course it's something I felt
So
Maybe my problems are not even real
I need to put a halt to this whole ordeal
But I feel what I feel
But I feel that I feel too much
Because it's always either that
Or it's never enough
But I'm done with these bottles
And I'm done with these pills
I'll deal with it myself
Keeping my cabinets filled
Now I'm genuinely happy and I wake up with a smile
Used to cut myself
Haven't done it in a while
They telling me I don't know what i want
That I'm just a child
That my dreams are wild
Out of the frying pan
And into the fire
I know what I have is a mental state
And it isn't my fault
But dealing with it should be
I never wanted to be the one to be pushing
Every single little bit of the blame onto my bullies
Because I'm the only one who's gotta deal with my
Pain
I wish my mind didn't work the way it did
Sometimes I wish it wouldn't work at all
So I could wind up dead
You really don't wanna know the horrible thoughts
That go on inside my head
I wouldn't talk to me
If I had saw me
Walking down the hallways
Head down to the ground as always
I got four bars on my phone
And death is just a call away