Null Pattern - Achtung Lyrics

The bookshelf arranged with his new plastic models of war tanks and battleships
Blended into the bushes with his camouflage helmet and BB clips
He taught me to question the gods
And to mute out the sounds of parental discouragement
He taught me to hide my emotions 'cause he was so cool
When he cried once a year
And those tears taught me everything
We never fought cuz he never was one to be angry
I was the short scrappy kid who tried to tag along in his journeys

He grabbed me by the throat because I read his diary
I learned my brother isn't perfect he's just cornered
Every time he'd say something that gave my mother chills
Because it sounded just a little too similar to my father
We were just some children who were being raised by lawyers
So we learned that morals are just other ways to mask your honor
He taught me to get used to being by myself when boredom hits
So I spent the rest of my life just practicing the skill

Coffee shots and sleeping pills
Thinking bout the day he graduated high school
And now I'm the one to walk across the stage
Thinking bout him at my age
He looked so much more responsible than me
It was impossible to see if he was raged like I am at just how
Every f*cking thing will go away
Like his girlfriends or his youth
Like our bunk beds and our rooms
Like the marriage of our parents and their bloody afternoons
Like these teenage years
He'll die one day and I won't have a say

And I'm trying to figure out how to do this shit by myself
And I'm still trying to figure out how to live by myself